Insert Heavy Sigh Here

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I've done my best to make my blog a positive funny place for people to come read my ridiculous thoughts and ramblings, and then go about their lives.  The only time I get really serious is talking about mental illness because it's something we need to keep having conversations about.  The more we talk about it, hopefully the less stigma will surround it.  

Normally, I don't weigh in on big news here simply because I don't want to add to the noise that's already out there.  But there is something troubling me that I want to discuss.  

What in the ever-loving fuck is up with Gamer Gate?!  It's become a wildfire with a life of it's own and I've tried to just sort of keep it in my peripheral just in case things got ugly, but mostly just tried to stay away.  Well you know what?!  Things just got ugly.  Doxxing Felicia Day simply because she wrote that the threats on women in the name of Gamer Gate gave her cause for concern for her own privacy/safety is some low-class horseshit.

I've stayed quiet until now simply because I didn't want any part of the ever-growing shit-storm that seems to be hitting women in this industry.  That's right, I'm afraid.  I'm not a public figure.  I'm not a developer.  I'm not even really a journalist.  I just write a blog and make some videos in my own little corner of the internet.  It's not a perfect internet existence, but it's mine. It's mine and I will defend it tooth and nail.  If I curl up and hide and go away, they win.  They. The collective (or who knows, maybe it's just one person) threatening harm to women in the industry, posting their personal details online so that someone more unhinged than they may decide to actually do harm.  All in the name of stopping corruption in gaming journalism?!?

I know I'm not the only one who sees how fundamentally fucked up this is right?

I'm going to be completely honest, this is what those ass-hats threatening women in the name of Gamer Gate at the core looks like to me:

"I'm a male gamer. Video games have always been made for and marketed to me.  Hey, look over there, it's a vagina.  That vagina says it likes games too.  Whatever. It just says that for attention.  Wait, it's a (developer/journalist/nerd) and has an opinion I don't like?!  Kill  it.  It's evil and it's ruining gaming and corrupting gaming journalism. It gives real gamers like me a bad name."

(Obviously I'm being hyperbolic...a little. But every time a woman is threatened or doxxed in the name of Gamer Gate simply because she expressed an opinion, my discontent with the movement grows.)  

I understand that these few assholes don't speak for the movement at large, but the root of the problem appears to be straight up sexism and misogyny.  No matter what it really is all about at its core, Gamer Gate has certainly shed a light on how deep sexism still runs in the gaming industry. So, yay?   

Half of me wants to lash out in defense of my fellow female gamers. You know, dish out some good old fashioned vigilante justice and shit.  Haunt some dreams or cut on some people who threaten my ladies (you know, stoop to that level.)  But the other half of me wants to curl up and hide in my bed and hope it all goes away soon.  But, we have to face the notion that it's not going away.  But then neither am I.  Felicia reminded us to keep gaming because it's beautiful.  So that's what I'm gonna do.

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 They fucked with Felicia Day, you guys.  Someone hand me my hat.

Gamer Love and Relationships

A conversation Boyfriend and I had the other night:

Boyfriend: So I had the opportunity to sleep with Meryl and I could probably still have a good relationship with Isabella, but I decided not to risk it.

Me: Uh-huh

Boyfriend: Meryl kind of wanted to be my girlfriend, but I'm already sleeping with Isabella and Isabella kind of already sleeps with everyone so it might be ok if I sleep with Meryl, but I don't want to ruin my relationship with Isabella. I'm torn.

Me: Ok

Boyfriend: I decided not to go for it. I like what I have with Isabella.

Me: Then you probably made the right decision.

Boyfriend: But Meryl gets some really bad-ass armor if we bang. *sigh* Oh well.

Me: You realize if anyone listening to this conversation had no clue we were talking about Dragon Age II, it would sound like we had the craziest open relationship ever, right?

Boyfriend: I love you.

Happy Hallmark-Makes-Lots-of-Money Day!

X is for XBOX360 and why I prefer my Playstation (UPDATED)

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Ever since my first experience with how defensive other gamers could get during the console wars of the 1990's, I haven't really been hard core one side or the other. In the days of cartridge game systems, I was in love with my Genesis and I admit I scoffed at the idea that a console that used an optical disk could ever be better than a cartridge. I changed my opinion slightly the first time I played a Playstation. 

I was babysitting and had put the kids down for a nap/bedtime.  They didn't have cable and I had not brought a book or magazine to read, so I was bored after cleaning up the house (yes, I was an amazing babysitter, I also cleaned.) Bored obsessive gamer me noticed the kids had a Playstation.  I managed to hook it up to the TV and started playing the only game it looked like they had: Spyro. The graphics were so clean and crisp and the joystick controls, while it took a moment to get used to, were so smooth in comparison to my fumbly control pad of my Genesis, or the jerky joystick on my N64. Even though the loading screen irked me-with cartridge games there was no load time-I quickly got over it.  Ever since then, I remained fairly neutral about the console competition until I had personally tried one or the other.

That all being said, I LOVE my PS3, even when it succumbs to the YLoD, again and again. Boyfriend's co-worker/friend gave us his first gen XBox360 last year because he wanted a newer one, plus his had suffered from the "Red Ring of Death" and Boyfriend figured it would be cheaper to fix this one than buy a new one. Yay free console! (And it turned out to work just fine!) Currently we only have a couple of games for our XBox because we strongly prefer our PS3. The XBox controller is large and clunky especially for my tiny girl hands. The buttons get stuck (even after buying a new slightly smaller controller) and the user interface screen is not user-friendly, even if my avatar is super cute.  What really pisses me off the most about XBox/Microsoft is while generally the XBox360 tends to cost less than PS3 (with the exception of the awesome special edition Star Wars kinect console...not the game though...*sigh*) Microsoft is crafty in their ways. They find ways to make up for their console costing less. After our PS3 crapped out for the second or third time, we discovered that to watch Netflix streaming from our XBox, we have to upgrade to the "Gold member" account and pay a monthly fee.  
So, let me get this straight-I have to pay Netflix for the access to their streaming movies, PLUS I have to pay Microsoft to use the console that was already paid for just so I can watch said movies that I'm already paying for? I call bullshit. I've already had Netflix screw us out of a bunch of money by jacking up their prices despite having been a loyal customer for a long-ass time, I don't need Microsoft taking my hard-earned monies too. So there. PS3 is better. The end.

Wow, that was a bit of an angry rant.  I must be stressed out. More coffee!
Let's go kick ass today.

UPDATE: 5/17/12
Of course our PS3 would die the day after I write a shitty post professing its superiority to our XBox.  Why wouldn't it? *sigh* Seeing as how the rumors of the newest console from Sony seem to be just that, looks like we'll be saving our pennies for a new PS3. 'Tis a sad sad day.

Adventures in Job Applications (A Cover Letter) ~UPDATED~

UPDATE: 3/26/12-I did actually send this cover letter in an e-mail to Vox Media in February, but never heard from them.  I figured it was safe to post this on my blog now seeing as how it's almost April, and the odds of them giving me any response are slim.

I just submitted my cover letter to Vox Media. They sent out an online recruitment call a couple of weeks ago for their new gaming site. After days of pondering and researching and trying to find the right words, this is the cover letter I came up with and sent them:

Dear Creators-of-Awesome at Vox,

I hope I am not too late to express my interest in applying for an available position with your company. As I’m certain you already gleamed from the subject line of my e-mail, I am a passionate artistic blogger and an obsessive gamer. I’m a well-rounded nerd, and eager to increase my knowledge and experience in the growing gaming industry. I would love to do all of that with the creative minds at Vox.

Instead of badgering you with inflated tales of what a stellar specimen of a human being I am, I will let my blog speak for itself, so you may draw from it what you will.

I would be grateful if you will take a moment of your time to view evidence of my potential as a desirable addition to your company by way of my blog, Gurl on Girl-Gaming. Please find the requested links to my work below:

Nerdlesque

Uncharted 3 Review

NYCC Day 3

I sincerely look forward to your reply.

Respectfully,

Jessica "GurlNxtDoor" Ayers

Hopefully this will make an impression at Vox, enough to make them want to interview me and then I'll make them love me-wow them with my awesomeness and they'll say, "How did we get through life without this girl working in our company?!"  Hired!

That's how it'll all go down.

Until then, I'll just keep blogging.

GameStop Thinks I'm a Big Deal

So, I had a funny and quasi-irritating experience with GameStop and my pre-order of Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception. I tweeted about it, not angrily or anything, but just to be funny and kind of call them out on their miscommunication. Well, GameStop either thinks I'm a bigger deal than I actually am, or they somehow have the manpower to respond to every tweet that mentions them, because they responded to my tweet with a mention, asking me to take an online survey about "my experience" at their store. I laughed so hard I was in tears. Hooray! I may have just made the jump to minor Internet celebrity-dom (or at least GS thinks I have)

So, no hard feelings, GameStop, I have shopped with you for years, and will continue to patronize your store.

Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

Naughty Dog has done it again! I finally got to start playing Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception last night and it is all I could hope for and more! Thanks to Boyfriend and iFixit, the PS3 is working beautifully.
I had pre-ordered the special edition from GameStop last month, and the store called me twice over the weekend to remind me to come pick it up at Midnight on 1/1/11. (Like I needed reminding.) But on Halloween morning, the GameStop called me again and the girl on the phone said I could come by at 10pm to get my game! My excited gamer brain took over and did not stop to think logically about what this girl had just told me (it's a midnight release, why would I be allowed to get it before midnight?). So, I went to the store at 10pm as instructed and was told I could only pay for the game, but could not take it out of the store until midnight. Balls.

Well, maybe I'm just old and boring, but I needed to be asleep by midnight so I could go to work at the ass crack of sunrise the next morning, plus go to PT for my leg (oh, yeah, that's still not better). So, I opted to just wait until after work to pick it up.

It was totally worth it! I stepped up to the counter and gave them my account information. the goobery guy behind the counter went to "the back" and brought out a big-ass box: my special edition of the game. When he plopped that box down on the counter a collective "oooooo" from the dudes in line behind me filled the store, and a ridiculous grin spread over my face. "Whoa."

I hurried home as fast as my gimp knee would carry me. Once I got settled in my apartment, I showed Boyfriend my new toy and his reaction was something along the lines of "It's huge!"
I sat coddling the box and savoring the experience of owning something I'd waited so long for, and then explored its contents. The game comes in an awesome metal collector tin/case. The collector's edition also comes with Drake's belt buckle and ring on a leather cord, plus a Nathan Drake figurine. All of this is housed in a neato burgundy box with gold etching. While the box is made out of what feels like cardboard, everything else is very solid. There is also an Explorer's Edition" that includes the strategy guide and comes in a treasure chest/suitcase. I didn't get that one since I'm not made of money.It finally came time to play!!! I only played for about 3 hours (that whole eating dinner and having to sleep thing kind of got in the way) but it was a great 3 hours. The puzzles so far have been easy enough, but I didn't get super far into the game (mostly because I still really suck at FPS). I really liked playing as 14-year-old Drake in the beginning and I'm so glad Sully has returned yet again! I can't wait to get home from work tonight and play some more. Boyfriend has to work late tonight, so I told him not to worry, that Nathan Drake will keep me company.

So Excited For This Game!

(Amazon.com)
This is one game I'm super excited about. I've owned a guitar for years and used to take lessons, but then life and gaming got in the way. I'm excited to bring both my enjoyment of gaming and my desire to learn to play real guitar (not just a plastic one) better into the same activity. I applaud your efforts, Ubisoft! I hope this rocks as much as I want it to.

P.S I couldn't get the video of the game trailer to not autoplay, but I recommend checking it out on Ubisoft's YouTube channel.

My First Time Rage Quitting

The Frag Dolls are having a contest called "My First Time" so I want to thank them for the inspiration for several blog topics.

I don't rage quit too often. I do rage scream/rant at the game or characters in the game a lot to the point where my boyfriend thinks I should turn off the game (ask him, he'll tell you all about it). My latest rage quitting was with Fallout: New Vegas. I pre-ordered the special edition last year and it was glorious. I loved the poker chips, the platinum chip, the card deck, and the graphic novel that came all with it. As many enthusiastic gamer soon found out, the game was full of some glitcheroos and was really dodgy to play. Now I know there are so many elements that have to come together to make a video game, yet alone an amazing one, but come on! It was very frustrating. Luckily Bethesda listened to us and came out with a patch (or 3). Eventually I beat the game and all was well. Then came the DLC. A friend of mine bought the first 2 DLC stories, Dead Money and Honest Hearts and told me not to play Dead Money, it was awful and frustrating. So, I played Honest Hearts and loved it. But, me being the completionist that I am couldn't resist and bought Dead Money also. I rage quit that bitch so many times. That was one of the most frustrating and annoying DLCs I have ever played!

Pros:
-Increased the level cap by 5

-A creative/spooky location and backstory

-Provided some closure to Veronica's story

Cons:
-Everything
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But I digress, this was supposed to be about my first time rage quitting, not my most recent (and probably not my last).

The first time I did rage quit was on my Sega Genesis playing ToeJam & Earl: Panic on Funkotron. I love TJ & Earl, but those damn tourists taking pictures were so annoying and their chittering little kids too!!! I screamed at them and mashed the power button in such a way that my finger got pinched, which just pissed me off more. I still have that game and every time I get nostalgic and start playing again, I remember why I quit in the first place.

Stupid cows.

Why Has No One Thought Of This..?!

Last night I went for a massage. It was a combination of Thai Reflexology and Swedish Massage and it was delightful. I don't hold a lot of faith in "alternative" medicine (if it worked consistently and had scientific backing, why wouldn't they just call it medicine?) so I really don't believe that everything that's wrong with me can be fixed just by putting pressure on my hands and feet, but it feels so damn good! The healing properties of massage do exist; it is not good for us as people (especially us "office workers") to hold tension in our muscles or strain our bodies, and massage provides an excellent release and an excuse to relax and let go. But being the somewhat ADD person that I am, my mind rarely relaxes for very long, it's always thinking about some crazy idea or another.

Thomas Edison was said to sit in his armchair to relax with two large ball bearings in his hands and two pie tins on the floor under him. He believed that his best ideas came to him in that special place that lies just between asleep and awake. So he would sit in his chair until he fell asleep, then when his body relaxed, one or both of the ball bearings would fall and create a loud noise in the pie tins to wake him up, then he would write down his ideas. A somewhat unconventional method, but I think his theory could hold some water, as I have thought of some of my more creative and favorite ideas right before falling asleep at night.

So last night, while the massage therapist was working the tension out of my fingers and my hand, I was on the verge of sleep when I thought, "why has no one thought of a massage geared towards gamers?" There are all types of "specialty" massages out there: Pre-natal, post-natal, infant, geriatric, sports, high-heel, office worker, immune boosting. Why is there no gamer massage? I know there are plenty of products out there to improve the avid gamer's body or to help with gaming-induced afflictions, but massage can do so much more.

Think about it: we hold our hands/fingers/wrists in strange positions for long hours, we get eye strain, we sit on our backsides in front of TVs or computer monitors sometimes for days at a time with few breaks; we could totally benefit from a custom massage. My gamer massage would target the neck and shoulders, then the hands, fingers, wrists, then the glutes and sciatic muscles/nerves. I would set up a booth at every gamer convention world wide, it's genius! Now, just to get over my aversion to touching people...

The Tester Season 3 (1 Day left)

Well, at this point in the open casting competition, it's looking not-so-good for me getting to move on to the next round. I'm not giving up hope yet, but with only 1 day left for voting, I'm at least 200-300 votes shy of where I would need to be to move on to Round 2 (only the top 100 move on).

I've enjoyed the experience so far, and I kind of blew my chance last season, but I know it worked out for the best because I don't think I was ready last year. I feel ready this year...or at least readier. There's still hope to get in as a "wild card" even if I don't make it into the top 100 people. There is also the chance that some people who are currently ahead of me in votes might be deemed ineligible, not that I wish ill on any of my fellow gamers and tester-wannabes, but that is a possibility.

Whatever the outcome, I am thankful for the experience, and I will continue to support my fellow gamers by voting and offering encouraging words, and I hope anyone reading this will do the same.

My audition video.

This man sees into my soul!

Ok, seriously, if you don't know who Freddie Wong is, know him, love him. He is living the nerd dream. Major kudos to him, he makes awesome videos like this one:

Have You Ever...

Played a game waaaay too long and waaaay too late into the wee hours? This man can relate to you.

One of My Favorite Female Protagonists in One of My Favorite Games:

Season 3

Season 3 of The Tester is upon us! Or, well, the open casting call for Season 3 is upon us, but, you get the idea. I am, once again entered and in the running to be a cast member. I sent in my audition for season 2 last year, but unfortunately didn’t realize that my crap computer failed to upload my video for round 3 and thus, was not allowed to continue on. I was angry at myself; I was angry at my computer and really just felt crushed. I felt like life was kicking me in the balls enough already. But, I had my pity party, and got back on that horse called life that has bucked me off again and again. Now I’m back and in the running for the next season. I’m not in the top 100 yet, but I am inching closer every day. Thanks to everyone who has voted and is reading my blog!