25 Days of Jessmas Day 22: Texas & Utah

On the 22nd day of Jessmas, my Google-Fu found for me:


Texas:

"When It's Christmastime in Texas" by: George Strait

Sweet Baby Jesus in the manger, this might be the worst music video I've ever seen.  I know this review should be about the music/song itself, but I cannot get over the visual mess that is this video.  I can't tell what is the worst thing about the video; the awkward way he manhandles and "flirts" with every woman,  the way he meanders aimlessly through the crowd, or the fact that he is barely even TRYING to lip sing.  I mean, is he drunk?  I realize the syncing itself is terrible because the 80's, but come one George!  Did you forget the words to your own lame Christmas song?!  

1 out of 5 White Cowboy Hats

"Merry Texas Christmas, You All" by: Gene Autry

Well, the title to the song pretty much sums it up.  Gene Autry is about as classic country as classic country music gets.  The song just makes me picture 3 or 4 cowboys sitting around a campfire singing Christmas songs.  Even the verse "If wishes only could come true / we'd wish that we could send to you / a gushing oil well or two"  is strange but charming in a really weird way.  Oh Texas...


2.5 out of 5 Three Amigos by the campfire

"When Santa Rides Through Texas" by: Casey Donahew & Cody Johnson

Now we've come to more modern rock-country.  This song is very upbeat and catchy and ridiculous, and I don't hate it.  They even make a George Strait reference that made me chuckle  Not a song I would listen to all the time, but a fun country Christmas song.

3 out of 5 "Don't Mess With Texas" T-shirts

Utah:

I got all the way to Utah without having to resort to parody or some other rehashing of a classic Christmas tune.  But here we are...You failed me, Utah.  You failed me.

"12 Days of Utah Christmas" by: Robert Lund

If there is a song in all of Christmasdom that I hate more than most, it's The Twelve Days of Christmas.  (I will tolerate Straight No Chaser's version of it only because they essentially make fun of how ridiculous a song it is.  Say what you will about YouTube viral videos, but when a grainy video of a no-name a Capella group from Indiana University has over 21 MILLION views, that must be something special.)  
So now we've come to this.  This heaping pile of garbage of a song.  I got 30 seconds in and had to turn it off.  I hate this song so so much and I find 99% of the parodies of this song EVEN WORSE than the original.  This song blows.  This song is an excellent analogy of 2017:  when it started, you knew it was not going to be good, but you were hopeful that you could get through it without too much of a headache, but by the end you just want to scream and cry and burn society down and start over from scratch.  


0 out of 5 Dumpster Fires

Honorable Mention:

"Christmas in Utah" by: Corinne Curtis Broadbent

I can't fully review this song because I cannot find a full version of it to listen to online, only the small preview snippet on iTunes.  So, sorry Utah, you don't get a real Christmas song review by me because Corinne here can't figure out YouTube.