Memory Lane Monday: Star Wars and Existential Crises

Last Friday, Boyfriend's good friend and former roommate, Bald Solo, made a whirlwind, 24-hour visit to NYC for a job interview. I was at work all day, so I couldn't join the boys on their fun-filled nerdy boy day in the city, but Bald Solo did bring with him the Star Wars: The Edge of the Empire tabletop RPG! So, Friday night our usual Pathfinder group got together and we had a blast playing through most of the first part of the adventure. I've heard all of Boyfriend's stories about his adventures with Bald Solo when they were roommates together in Brooklyn, so meeting him for the first time was semi-surreal. I'd heard stories about him for 6 years, I felt like I already knew him. But even Boyfriend's stories couldn't capture the magical personality or the epic fanboy-ness of Bald Solo. Seriously, you guys. Biggest. Star. Wars. Fan. Ever. 

In our game, I played the "hired gun" character, a Wookiee named Lowhhrick. Since I usually play magic-users and healers in my tabletop RPGs, it was fun to get to play a barbarian/brutish character this time around and be the one who charges blindly into battle, and then kicks ass and takes names doing so. Edge of the Empire was a lot of fun, and since it has pre-built characters and it's own dice-rolling system (dice included) it's a great game for absolute beginners, but it's engaging enough for intermediate and seasoned players alike. 

We had a grand old time, and when we called it a night at 2am, we were exhausted, but I left wanting to play more. Playing with Bald Solo as our GM was a blast. Observing his enthusiasm throughout the evening brought me back to my tween years, when I first became obsessed with Star Wars. I was that obnoxious kid in middle school who brought everything back around to Star Wars. I corrected factual /cannon errors in Star Wars trivia games, I was willing to argue to the death about anything involving Star Wars, I even made a Star Wars themed PowerPoint presentation in my computer science class. Yes, I was that kid. But, so were all of us sitting around the table Friday night. I felt a wave of calm.  But then, of course it all changed when my crazy brain decided it wasn't providing enough crazy in my life.

After the game, we all said our farewells and see-ya-laters, but watching Boyfriend and Bald Solo say goodbye almost made me tear up. They were such good buddies and two wonderful, giving, sweet, kind-hearted men who obviously missed each other. The idea  that Bald Solo might be relocating to the East Coast very soon while we are relocating to the West Coast even sooner almost broke my heart. Thus began my existential crisis for the week. 

The reality of moving suddenly became real this week. It's as if it just dawned on me what we would be leaving: everything I've known for the last 6.5 years, great friends, a routine, and a semi-comfortable life. Our life is not the greatest at the moment -few job/money prospects, an asshole landlord, a shit hole apartment, crazy neighbors, a city that's chewed me up and spit me out a few times- but it's a life I know. Los Angeles is a whole new unknown. The phrase that keeps running through my head this week is "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't."

But then it all goes back to Star Wars. Luke Skywalker leaves a place he always complained about, but underneath really loved as his home. He leaves because there's nothing left for him in that place. He goes on an epic journey, an adventure, and eventually finds his destiny, his place in the universe. Maybe this is just my afternoon beer talking, but I'm trying to stay calm and be hopeful that our epic journey across the country (we're driving...did I mention that?) however scary it may be, will lead to something bigger and better.

OMG 11 weeks until we move!!!  Now I'm going to go cry anxiously while I start Phase 1 of Operation: Pack All The Things.  


 

Re-purposed from Hyperbole and a Half

A really great overview of the game we played can be found here.

Find Bald Solo elsewhere on the interwebs:

Twitter
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Memory Lane Monday: Sorry I Disappeared

It's Monday and I am looking at my draft folder and realizing how behind I have fallen on my blog upkeep. I have very little excuse, really. I've been super busy, but also easily distracted as of late, thus the giant folder full of half-written, half-started, half-titled, and half-assed blog posts that may or may not ever see the light of day. But I'm here now, writing (and finishing*) a post.

So what have I been doing these last weeks? Well, I closed my much-praised show, I started a newish job promoting Statue of Liberty boat rides (it's as thrilling as it sounds,) I worked on an episode of Boardwalk Empire, Leeloo started doggy manners classes, and I finally started playing Bioshock Infinite. So, most of the reason I have been/will be scarce is because of gaming. I'm determined to finish BI before someone spoils the ending for me. Boyfriend keeps unintentionally hinting at things while I'm playing, since he finished it while I was at work last weekend. Miraculously, I have not heard or seen any spoilers up to this point. 

Let it be known: if you spoil the ending of Bioshock Infinite for me -so help me- I will hunt you down and string you up like a marionette and force you to dance barefoot upon a pile of Legos for the rest of your days or until the authorities carry me away to the loony bin.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need me some more vigors!



*Irony alert: as soon as I had typed half of this post, I realized I had to be somewhere and left this post sitting open, unfinished, and unpublished on my computer...for 3 days. 
~sigh~

The Tax Man Cometh (and Other Bullshit)

So, tomorrow is Tax Day here in the good ol' U.S. of A. Did I just remind you? Do you need to go do your taxes super fast instead of reading this? Go ahead. I'll wait.




Oh good, you're back!


So, if you were following my ridiculous bird saga over the past few weeks, you might be starting to wonder if I'm alright in the head. Truthfully? Not quite. I've been stressing lately about life. It happens. But lately, it's been affecting my writing. At night as I'm trying to drift off to sleep a hundred ideas and nagging thoughts about writing and making the blog better and other creative awesomeness swirl around in my brain. Maybe I jot them down, maybe I don't.  But then every time I sit down at my desk to actually write I start to have those feelings of failure, and those nagging voices saying "you should have done this already now it's too late, you suck" creep up and I question everything about myself and my decisions in life. It always feels so much easier to curl up and lose yourself in a game or a good book than to think about the shit hole that you fear your life is slowly becoming. 

This is starting to sound a little Doom Cloud-y and actually, I don't know if I'm in a place where I want to share this right now. I just knew I needed to start writing something. Um...ta da?

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, if taxes or birds or other crazy shit has got you down right now. You are not alone. WE are not alone, you guys.


P.S My thoughts on Harvest Moon: A New Beginning are coming, I promise! I want to make sure I unlock everything before completing and posting my review. Also, gotta make sure ye olde brain is ticking away properly too. But that's another story...

Happy Friday! Let's Wreck it!

Source

It's Friday! This means nothing to me. Weekdays no longer hold any bearing on me because I lost my job on Monday. It's all for the best, however. I loathed that job with every fiber of my being. It was clearly affecting me too. I've been ill more times and with far more serious illnesses this year than any other year I remember. I was so unbelievably unhappy at that job. Now, being unemployed comes with some stigma and a level of uncertainty that I am not usually comfortable with, but I have an awesome support system of friends and family, and I am mentally healthier this year than I have been probably in most of my life. I now have more time to dedicate to writing and acting and gaming; the beer glass is half-full, you guys!

So, Monday was a mixed bag of craziness. I went into work fully expecting to lose my job (I won't go into all the boring minutiae of why and how) and I was correct. But, I had my mental shields up and I took it with grace and dignity and I didn't let the devil my former manager see me cry. It wasn't how I dreamed of leaving this particular workplace, but it's also not the first time I've been "let go" or laid off or fired. No one likes losing their job, even if it's a job they hate. My ideal departure from this job would have involved me marching in the office, head held high and walking straight up to the devil my former manager's desk and proudly informing her that I was putting in my notice because I was offered a better-paying/kick-ass position elsewhere. BOOM! Put on notice, bitch!

Thanks OSHA

 But it didn't go down like that. Meh. So, I went home dragging the last 2 years worth of desk contents with me and I took a nap. Because I could. Boyfriend snuggled with me and when I woke up, the entire morning had felt like a bad dream.To cheer me up, and to remind me that he still loved me even though I was now a financial leech, Boyfriend took me on a date to see Wreck-it Ralph. 

Omagodyouguys! Wreck-it Ralph was so great. This movie was made for me. I needed this movie so much on Monday. If you are a gamer, or a Disney fan, and/or an actor and you haven't seen this movie yet, GET OUT OF YOUR CAVE!!! If you are a gamer, a Disney fan, and/or an actor, and you saw the movie and didn't like it, then there is no hope for you, I'm sorry.

The movie takes place inside an arcade inside the world of the arcade machines. The universe that the movie-makers created is astounding and wondrous. The story follows Ralph (played by the never-anything-but-amazing, John C. Reilly) who is a video game villain in the Donkey-Kong-esque arcade game, Fix-it Felix, Jr. The hero of this game is, obviously, Fix-it Felix Jr. (played by the always adorable Jack McBrayer) whose job is to fix the apartment building after Ralph wrecks it. Ralph is the villain in his game, but he feels unfulfilled as the villain because he's a "bad guy" but he's not a bad guy. On the 30th anniversary of his game, Ralph has grown tired of being lonely and never getting to be a hero, so he sort of snaps when he finds that he is not invited to the anniversary party that the other characters in his game are throwing, and vows that he will obtain his very own hero medal and bring it back to rub in everyone's faces. Thus, Ralph sets out on a journey to explore the other games in the arcade to get his hero medal. Along the way, he unexpectedly makes new friends, reveals the dark past of an arcade legend, and learns what it really means to be a hero. I won't spoil anything here because the movie is such a delight that it needs to be seen to truly be appreciated. 

In my humble opinion, Executive Producer, John Lasseter can do no wrong. When he stamps his name on something, I expect to love it. Wreck-it Ralph is no exception. The story is charming and full of so many nods to the gaming industry, it gives me goosebumps. The casting was also superb. Normally, I'm somewhat against big-name on-screen celebrities or talent being cast into voice-over roles just for the sake of having known names on the poster, but this movie was perfectly cast. The cast also included Jane Lynch (who I also think is amazing all the time) Sarah Silverman (who I normally cannot stand but, she is amazing in this movie) and my beloved Alan Tudyk (who I also believe can do no wrong, but he is SO amazing in this movie that I didn't even know he was in it until the end credits rolled.) Side note: if you don't like Alan Tudyk, you are dead to me.

The movie-makers seriously did their homework for Wreck-it Ralph. There are so many homages to old-school games and lesser-known aspects of the history of gaming.  The movie has heart and a sweet message, but also speaks to nerdy gamers and has tid bits of "potty" humor for the kids and the kids in all of us. But, my favorite part of this movie? Disney acknowledged that girl gamers not only exist, but that they are common and just as into gaming as boys! They showed this through "Moppet Girl," a character that acted as the audience's eyes in the outer world of the arcade. And clearly, someone at Disney reads my blog because they based Moppet Girl on me:

I'm totally in this movie, you guys.

I had a hard time coming up with things that I didn't like about this movie. Boyfriend pointed out that he really disliked one of the songs used in a driving montage scene, "Shut up and Drive" by Rhianna. To be honest I only vaguely remember the song in the movie, but after using my Google-fu and hearing it again, I have to agree with him that it is a bit out of place with the rest of the film. My friend Max also said he wished the movie had shown the inside of more games. I understand what he means, Ralph only travels inside a handful of other games, but there are so many subtle references to other games and their characters that I feel like if the movie took the time for Ralph to actually travel to other arcade games, the story would feel drawn out and stale. Plus, there is such a thing as too many montages, so even a quick montage of other games might feel like too much.

So, let's sum up! I lost my job. Meh. I saw Wreck-it Ralph. Yay! Cute and creative story, fun and funny, girl gamers are great! The End.

I give Wreck-it Ralph 4.5 out of 5 Panicked Q*berts.

P.S Ok, I was sort of joking when I said that Moppet Girl was me. But my Google+ clearly seems to think Moppet Girl is me when I do an image search. (I swear I did not make this up.)

Memory Lane Monday: My Shit-hole Apartment (Part 6)

On this first edition of Memory Lane Monday, I must say I'm so glad I had this post pre-written. I'm horrible awful sick with Tonsillitis or some other nastiness because apparently, my oral cavities have decide to go on strike from the rest of my body.  But enough about me, on with the story of the day!

So, after the joys of college and moving back home with my parents temporarily, it was finally time to spread my wings...and drive 1,800 miles to New Jersey to start a new chapter in adulthood.

Living Away From Home Year 5

Moving Across the Country

(Dreams, Meet Reality)

I dreamt of living in New York City since I was a little kid. New York was THE place.  It was where dreams came true and stars were born. If I wanted to be an actor, it was NYC or Hollywood.  I never considered myself much of a west coast girl and was never all that impressed with L.A the few times I'd visited, plus I was born in Manhattan, and it was calling me home. Home to the mothership.



Exactly.
IMDB



Since the leap from Colorado to NYC was so abrupt and expensive, I decided to "cushion" the blow by moving to Weehawken, NJ where I could still keep the security blanket that was my car, but easily commute into Manhattan by bus for auditions or work. I can't even begin to explain how all the pieces of the move fell into place, it almost seemed too easy, and too right-time-right-place in retrospect. Also in retrospect, what I did was ballsy, but also a little bit hasty and not one of the smartest things I ever done. I did work very hard and spent a lot of hard-earned money to make my dream happen. But I also did something not-so-wise.  I moved into a house with two complete strangers 1,800 miles away from the only place that was ever home, with no job, no job prospects, and a savings account that was hemorrhaging money. Isn't being young and reckless awesome?!



You get my money! And YOU get my money! Everybody gets my money! (Except me.)
T-shirt Laundry

I had my friend Tommy and Not-Yet-Boyfriend for moral support, I had a dream, and I had ambition-the kind that comes with youthful stupidity and optimism. The day or two after I got myself and my ferrets all settled and mostly unpacked, I drove 5 miles to Hoboken, NJ (lovingly referred to by Jersey-ites as "The 'Boken" or "The 6th Borough") parked my car, fed the meter, and started hoofing it up and down Washington Street with a folder full of resumes looking for a job. Any job. I honestly don't remember how many restaurants, bars, and shops I set foot in that day.  A lot of them gave the glassy-eyed "oh I'll have the manager call you" response, and I did literally get laughed out of a couple of bars because I didn't know what their strange colloquialisms for certain drinks were (bartending school means jack diddly here) and to this day, I still don't know what the hell is in a "Red-Headed Slut" shot. Eventually, I meandered into a cafe called The Frozen Monkey where they all but hired me on the spot. 


This place sadly no longer exists. Funny enough, though neither does the restaurant I worked after this...nor the retail store I worked after that...nor the restaurant I worked after that.
Be ye warned, retailers: I am the harbinger of bankruptcy!

 Once I got back to my house, I felt a burst of self-confidence and perused the trade papers for auditions. I came across an agency looking for actors for background work and gave them a call to set up an audition. I drove 45 minutes to their office the next day (45 minutes away from NYC should have been a red flag) and sat down with their fast-talking "agent" (fast-talking, pushy, more red flags) I signed a contract and made a "down payment" on my membership with them (GINORMOUS RED FLAG!!! Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!!!) To any would-be actors/entertainers out there, if you take anything away from my blog other than some schadenfreude, let it be this: Never Never NEVER pay an agency to get you work. Legit agents get paid only when YOU get paid and not in any other way. Long story short, this particular agency was super shady and had I been smart I would have skipped that appointment with them, but c'est la vie. You live and you learn. I did get my very first paid gig on a network pilot through them, so it wasn't the biggest mistake I ever made, but they made way more money off of me than I ever made thanks to them. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, this experience made me extremely leery of casting agencies almost to the point of paranoia which certainly didn't help me get any acting work especially during the infamous Writer's Guild strike, stagehand strike, the threatened SAG strike, and the recession that overshadowed much of my first 18 months on the East Coast. Looking back, the shady agency seemed to be the tip of the ice burg of life lessons telling me I may have been in a little bit over my head.



But who could resist this view?
Copyright Jessica Ayers

I wasn't in over my head nearly as much as my landlord, Alex was, however.  He was a nice guy, but this house I was renting was his first venture into landlord-ing. My 2 roommates and I were renting the top 2 floors of a charming turn of the century Colonial-style house. I met them online and in person before moving in with them thanks to an online roommate listing. They were friends with each other from college and they seemed nice and "normal" enough to me. Their names were Kate and Jessica (I'm not even joking.) They were really nice girls, and it was definitely a culture shock for all of us living together, but Kate and Jersey-Jess were pretty good roommates overall.

I love old houses except for the fact that they're old and broken.
Google Maps

The house was old, but in relatively decent shape other than the roof needed to be patched up a bit and the old unusable chimney shaft leaked a little into our kitchen. No big deal, Landlord Alex had some guys come fix it a month into us living there. And by "fix it" I mean one morning while we were all asleep the roof guys drilled into the chimney flue for some unknown reason and the vibrations shook a bunch of old soot and other crap loose and it collapsed into our kitchen and got black soot on EVERYTHING. Did I mention my bedroom was attached to the kitchen? Yeah, nothing makes waking up in the morning more awesome than opening your bedroom door to find black soot on almost everything you own.  Especially in the place where you prepare and eat your food. Did I mention that most of the tile in our kitchen was white? (Was being the operative word.) I was first to make the unfortunate discovery and stood staring in shock. Kate and Jersey-Jess both screamed when they saw the kitchen. We all had to go to work, but we were assured that Landlord Alex would come inspect the damage and get it taken care of.

Apparently his idea of "taken care of" and our idea of it were two very different things. He decided to make the roof guys working stop what they were doing and come inside to clean up the mess they made. The geniuses then decided the best course of action was to get their shop vac and suck up all the soot and then blow it back up the chimney (dear god, I wish I was joking.)  So, when we all returned home from our respective jobs, our once white kitchen had a nasty layer of grey filth on everything. Fun fact: did you know that when you vacuum up soot, particles still get into the air around you? Also, when you suck it up and then blow it out of a shop vac, it goes EVERYWHERE! So, not only was our kitchen covered in a weird grey dusty grime, so was literally everything else in the house. Every.Thing.  Needless to say we threw a hissy fit and demanded better action from Landlord Alex.  The next day while we were at work he sent a professional cleaning crew to do a thorough cleaning of the house.  But, by "professional cleaning crew" I'm pretty sure he meant Merry Maids.  
 

What we expected vs. what we got.

The cleaning crew did a satisfactory job, but whoever they were, they were ill-equipped for a such a heavy duty cleaning job. In fact, almost a year later when Kate, Jersey-Jess, and I all moved out and on with our lives, we were still finding soot in crevices and shelves, and on rarely-used items throughout the house.  But even an exploding chimney, a shady talent agency, and my escaping New Jersey by the skin of my teeth (more on that soon) could not prepare me for the nightmare that awaited me.

To Be Continued...

My Shit-hole Apartment (Part 5)

If you stuck with me on this journey so far, congratulations! You're my favorite (don't tell the others.) 

Living Away From Home Year 4.6

Moving Back Home

(Dear God, What Have I done)

I was very fortunate that my parents had set aside money for me to go to college and so I was not stuck with having to battle the fustercluck nightmare that is student loans. For this, I am forever grateful to my father and his money-managing know-how. My dad managed my college fund for me, and he said as long as I graduated within four years with acceptable grades he would continue to give me money from the college fund to pay for tuition, living expenses, books, etc. If there was any money left over after graduation, I could have it as a graduation gift. I think this was a very generous deal, and I kept my half of the bargain, and graduated in four years with a decent GPA and little debt. 

Statistically in the last two decades or so, it has been more and more common for college graduates to move back home with their parents for a brief time while they get on their feet. Seeing as how more and more grads are moving home after graduation, there's no real shame in it, and it's not always as horrible as it sounds.

Seriously, it's totally fine.
Source

All that aside, to say that the transition home was difficult would be the understatement of the century. I have a tough time dealing with life changes as it is, but going from having the most freedom with the least responsibility I will ever have in my life, to living under my parents' roof and having to find the balance of freedom/responsibility/respect for one another only added to the stress I already felt. After the weirded-out feeling of moving back into my childhood room subsided, I got into a routine and started to plan my future. I took the "leftovers" from my college fund and put it into a savings account to start saving to move to New York. I worked two part-time jobs and spent most of my free time either sleeping or playing video games/watching movies in my room. I rarely went out, and the only major expenditures I made were for caring for my beloved ferrets (whom my step-dad hated and had banished to our basement.) I spent less than 9 months living with my mom and step-dad, but it felt so much longer. This was mostly because I was still suffering from untreated anxiety and depression and the guilt and low self-esteem that tend to accompany mental illness. Because of the lying bastard that is depression, I felt even more worthless and like a failure because I no longer felt independent while living at home. I felt very stuck and yet like I didn't belong anywhere at the same time, it was a lonely rocky stretch in my adult life.

Eventually the light at the end of the tunnel appeared, and I could actually solidify plans to move to the east coast. With the emotional long-distance support of my cheerleaders -my friend Tommy, and Not-Yet-Boyfriend-At-The-Time, I managed to get and keep my ass in gear and set a goal date to move out east.  Even with that support, things were still a little tumultuous on the home front. The day before Thanksgiving, I had to make the heart-breaking decision put my beloved ferret, Boomer to sleep.  He was the first pet I'd ever lost (not counting fish.) I can't say he was my "favorite" pet because that's like saying you have a favorite child, but I did feel like I had a special connection with him. He was the alpha male in my business* of ferrets, but he had the sweetest temperament and was very well-behaved.  He was very special and I loved him like he was my own child.  To lose him after only having him in my life for 3 short years was soul-crushing.

I had found a lump in his stomach one day while playing with him and so I made an appointment with the vet to check him out. After a thorough hands-on examination, the vet determined that Boomer had a tumor on his spleen (a very common and treatable ailment in ferrets) and so we scheduled Boomer for emergency surgery to remove the tumor and/or his spleen. Unfortunately, no one was prepared for what they found in surgery. Boomer had a very rapid moving form of Lymphoma that had grown so large so quickly, it was wrapping tumors around his organs and his bowels. The vet sadly informed me that Boomer maybe had 3 weeks to live. But, Boomer was a fighter. Miraculously instead of 3 weeks, we got almost 3 more months together. I had time to make my peace with the situation, and time to say good-bye.

Post-surgery snuggles
Copyright Jessica Ayers

Not only was Boomer's passing an emotional setback, but it was a major financial setback too. Thankfully, I still had my human cheerleaders, and I had my other 2 ferrets to take care of, so I could not afford to have the depression and despair overtake me. I was determined to keep pushing through, to keep moving forward. On top of my distress at losing my pet, I wasn't always getting along so well with my parents. I think my mom was really hurt and sad and scared that I wanted to move to NY so badly. I was born in NY, and I grew up hearing stories about my parents' life there before and with me.  I felt drawn there my whole life. Plus, now I had a dream to be a performer and the perfect place to follow that dream was straight to the Big Apple. I couldn't seem to make my mom understand that it was my dream and it was calling me and I had to do it as soon as possible, or else I might never do it. Any time I tried to explain it to her, I would say it wrong and she would take offense as though I were telling her I was trying to get away from her. Or I would get so emotional about it that I would break down and cry and my message would be lost amid tears and frustration.

Despite the emotional and financial setbacks, I eventually made the 1800-mile move from Colorado to the east coast in March of 2007 with the support of my parents. There were tears and sleepless nights and loooooong hours on the road, but I did it. Since I was a baby when we originally moved out of Manhattan, I have no memories of living anywhere other than Colorado. Let's just say I was in for some culture shock.

To Be Continued...

Source

*A group of ferrets is referred to as a "Business" of ferrets. I bet you never knew that. Now you do! You're welcome.

Blogger 411: A Little Bit About Me

Tonight I will upload another PAX East video, (my favorite one) an interview with Susan Arendt of The Escapist. Until then, enjoy some random facts about me!



1. How long have you been blogging? And what got you started on blogging? Has your blog changed?

I've always been a journal-keeper, even before I could even write really well. My first journal/diary was one of those old diaries for little girls with the gold lock on it. It was salmon/pink and had a picture of a kitty on a window sill on the cover. I always lost the keys to that damn thing. Most of my entries consisted of single sentences scrawled illegibly diagonally across the pages. They usually said things like, "Andrew is my frend i lik him," and "i want a doggy samday," etc.

I first started blogging in college on my MySpace page. Mostly it was just a journal I kept that a few of my friends read and laughed at when I didn't have it set to private.  Mostly it was just a way to organize my thoughts and get them out. I started blogging here on Blogger in 2009 under Keep the Starving Out of Starving Artist and later under Gurl on Girl-Gaming.

My blogging in college was very superficial, mostly just me bitching about life and stuff. Now I write to attempt to entertain and inform and uplift. I still do it for me, but I try to produce content that I think other people will enjoy as well.

2. Did you go to college? If so where, and what did you study?

I studied Theatre Arts at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley. I graduated with my B.A. in 2006

3. Where have you traveled?
I've been very fortunate to travel. I've met people here in NYC who have never even set foot outside of the five boroughs, yet alone travelled to other countries. Those people make me sad. As a kid I loved to fly. As an adult, I really dislike flying, but my affinity for new places and experiences outweighs my anxiety of the act of travel. I've been to Mexico, Canada, England, France, and 26 of the 50 U.S States.

4. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy?

Probably a nice bottle of champagne to celebrate.

5. What are your 3 biggest pet peeves?

Rudeness, injustice, poor spelling/grammar

6. What is your favorite movie?

There are so many movies that I love that it's hard to choose only one, but if I had to choose, I would say The Princess Bride.

Source

7. What is your drink of choice; wine, beer, or liquor. Or Water, Soda, Tea?
I prefer a good wheat beer, or water/coffee/tea.

8. What is something you enjoy doing when you have me time?
Sleeping, reading, playing video games, writing fiction

9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, which store would it be?
The World of Disney (not entirely practical, but I love Disney!)

10. Share with us an embarrassing moment of your past? Or present.
I have lots of embarrassing stories, but my favorite one deserves an entire blog post, because it's that epic.

11. What day would you love to relive again?

Any day at Disney World

12. If your life was turned into a movie... what actor would play you?
Either Ellen Page or Emma Stone

Source



People.com



13. What are the jobs you had in high school/college/the early years?

I worked at a golf club, Dairy Queen, and Pizza Hut during high school and College

Sexy DQ uniform

14. Show us a picture from high school/college.

Every high school senior picture ever.

15. If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?
I would love to visit New Zealand or Australia

16. Show us the most current picture of you, or your family, or anything of meaning to you.



Me & my siblings (littlest sis not pictured)

 17. Where do you see your life 5 years from now?
I hope Boyfriend and I will be living in California and making our livings in the film/TV industry.

R is for Resloution (UPDATED)

Note: This blog is a day or two late.  I'm sort of falling off the wagon this week as far as writing every day.  I did write most of this post yesterday, I just wanted to go back and tweak it before publishing.  I'm warning you now, it's not a happy one.  It's not depressing, just a little bit angry. I think you'll understand why. Also, I would like to say that I am grateful to have a job when the economy and job market are not the best.  However, that doesn't mean I have to like going to work every day. Does it? These were my thoughts yesterday...

Resolution: noun

the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

I understand that in this economy and job market that competition is fierce and people are desperate, pressure is high, and everyone has to bring their "A" Game. But what do you do when your A-game doesn't seem to be enough for some people?  What do you do when you have a supervisor so far up your ass every day you can taste her hair spray?  What do you do when the very thought of having to answer another customer's phone call makes you have a nervous breakdown? Is a poor job market a valid excuse for staying at your job as a verbal punching bag year after year hoping and searching for something better? 

I'm all for helping your fellow wo/man when they need a helping hand, but when it comes to survival of the fittest in such a dog-eat-dog corporate world when your head  is threatened by the chopping block is it ok to throw someone under the bus if they deserve it? I don't like to play dirty if I don't have to, but I also don't want to have to live on unemployment and without health benefits again. But then, do I really want to stay in a place that is so big and cold that my manager doesn't actually even know (or care about) what I do on a day-to-day basis, only how she looks?  Do I want to work in an environment where someone that I'm supposed to "report" to every day sleeps at her desk without reprimand?  Do I really want to stay in a place where if I'm out sick for a few days someone my manager steals my birthday balloons because someone else had a birthday too? (I so wish I was kidding.) Which one is really the lesser of two evils here?

My therapist tells me she's very impressed with my progress and that she knows that I am intelligent, compassionate, and have a great work-ethic. I am stronger than I think I am. This goes back to my oar analogy from a few days ago. If held a lot of stock in "signs" from the universe, I would say that yesterday was a giant neon sign with a cattle prod poking me in the direction I should go.  I need to leave to go on to something better. I can see what I think is an oar floating out there, I just need to be brave enough to jump out of the boat.

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
-Franklin P. Jones

 

My bravery tattoo

P.S You know what also starts with R? Roaches! I am sick of those little bastards. There was a gargantuan one under our fridge the other night and another one was hiding in my coffee-maker. NOOOOO! Oh glorious magical brand new birthday present coffee maker!!! I will save you, coffee!

Dear Roaches,
This is your final warning. Leave my apartment or face retribution. Die demon seeds!!!
Smiles,
Jess