Wedding Dress Weekend Day 1: Travel Anxiety and Devil Horses

Last weekend I spent a day on 2 different airplanes (I KNOW) traveling to see my sister in Georgetown.  I discovered something, however.  Even though I was all by myself- no boyfriend, no Leeloo- I found my flying anxiety is improving....I think.

I don't know if it's the Cognitive Behavior skills I've learned, breathing exercises, medication, meditation, or what, but it wasn't as bad flying on that first day.

Don't get me wrong, I was a cranky mess on the way to the airport and in the security line and while boarding the plane.  But, I accidentally discovered a coping method that was surprisingly effective for me.

Since I've been trying to make more videos as of late, I decided to record as much as possible during my trip, including take-offs and landings and flying.  Amazingly, when I watch the plane take off through my camera screen, (while concentrating on keeping it stable for a good quality video,) my anxiety was as close to non-existent as I ever remember feeling it.  It was kind of mind-blowing.  So much so, that when I got home and started editing the videos from traveling on Day 1, I decided to take a different direction with it.  Instead of documenting how nervous I was, I decided to edit in a way to show the peacefulness of travel.  It was a very therapeutic experience.  I tried some new stuff that I hadn't done in other videos, while still adding my ridiculous sense of humor to it as well.

I'm actually quite happy with this video overall.

I'm still getting used to Adobe Premier vs. iMovie, so I'm still making some technical mistakes and boo-boos, but overall, I'm really happy with the way this turned out.  I hope you like it.

 

Oh, and if you're confused about the "Devil Horses" part of the title, you should watch the video.  
It'll make sense.

Friday Favorites: Yule Edition

In 2 days, Boyfriend and I are traveling to Colorado to spend Christmas with my family, which means we are flying with Leeloo for the first time (and we all know how I feel about flying.) My biggest fear is that I will start having anxiety attacks before we even get on the plane, which will cause the dog to become very agitated, which will, in turn, make me have a full-blown anxiety-fueled meltdown, which will upset the dog even further and it will spiral out of control in a never ending anxious cycle until Leeloo and I are both trembling and screaming in a huddled mess in the aisle and get kicked off the plane. But maybe I'm overreacting already...story of my life.

That being said, let me distract all of us with some delightful (mostly) winter holiday themed links for your pre-Christmas enjoyment. Joyeaux Noel!

7 Reasons the TSA Sucks
In the spirit of holiday travel, which really doesn't do much for my anxious feelings...alas.

Best Ugly Sweater
Every nerd needs one of these for Christmas!

BS Christmas News Stories
Never fear, the "War on Christmas" is not really a thing.

Hardest VG Decisions
Not really holiday related, but still funny

A Christmas Letter From Neil & Sky
My friends Neil and Sky made this catchy holiday music video a couple of years ago. I enjoy it year after year. (Super NSFW)

35 Pictures Proving the World isn't Such a Bad Place
I've seen a few of these before, but they never stop warming my heart, or tearing my eyes.

The Friday Before Christmas
A magical holiday video made in less than 48 hours by your friends, The White Liars

And finally,

5 Moments when the Eleventh Doctor Broke our hearts
Are you guys ready for it? I'm going to be a blubbering Christmas mess December 25th at 9/8 Central time.

The Joys of Travel: or When Sanity Goes Out the Window

Last week was not the best time to decide to forget my anti-anxiety drugs. I saw my therapist a couple of days early due to an eminent vacation down south for a wedding. She told me I seemed calmer and more relaxed and that I seem to be improving mentally and attitude-wise. Yay me! So whether it was hubris or just plain ol' forgetfulness that I did not bring my anti-anxiety drugs with me on this 5-day trip, I know not, but I do know I won't forget again.  Not even the distraction/entertainment of my 3DS or the zen of playing Harvest Moon could keep me from feeling all stabby and wanting to claw my own eyes out while my heart exploded in my chest whilst on the plane. I needed modern pharmaceuticals, and have them I did not.

 If you've read my blog before, you know that I'm a little anxious and maybe, what some would call neurotic, and I will admit that I am very stubborn sometimes, but I'm far from being a control freak or a "Type-A" personality. In fact, just to make sure, I took a Type-A personality test. That's not Type-A-personality-like at all, right?
Here are my results:

See? Not Type-A, just impatient and irritable. Totally better.

I've shared this, to make a point that I'm normally a nice easy-going person, but I do like plans and lists, especially when traveling. Boyfriend, on the other hand is super easy-going and while he likes to also have an idea of an outline of a plan, he can be a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of guy a lot of times, especially when traveling, which kind of makes me bonkers. But, my therapist said I was improving and has said on many occasions that the ways Boyfriend's attitude towards a lot of things differs from my own can help me stay balanced if I let it and not fight it. So on this trip, my goal was to try to be less "listy" like I usually am and more "pantsy" like Boyfriend...I guess.

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This goal went out the window when we got to the airport and I realized I had forgotten to bring my anti-anxiety pills. I wasn't planning on needing them, but they were like a security blanket: they could be there if I needed them. However, knowing that the pills were no longer within my reach, I started to get all anxious about the possibility of needing them but not having them. I tried to tell myself that I didn't need them and I would be fine without them, and I almost believed myself. Then we boarded the plane. Correction: then we boarded a shuttle bus that would drive us across the tarmac so we could board the TINIEST PLANE I HAD EVER BEEN ON!!! The only way I could have been more uncomfortable on the tiny plane was if instead of a plane, it was an elevator flying through the sky. (And we know how I feel about elevators.) I still tried to talk myself out of my anxiety while sitting in my seat. I told myself, "I will sleep and when I wake up we will be there, it's a short flight, so it's a small plane, it's fine," etc. I had almost found a zen place in my brain when up the aisle waltz a lady and her two small children. Sorry. Did I say "children" I meant to say banshee devils. And lo and behold, they plop down right behind us. Well-played, universe.

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Now, I'm not a parent. I don't begrudge people with children in public-they need to go places too. Boyfriend has a little niece and a brand new nephew and so, by default, I have a niece and nephew, and we adore them. However, when other people's children act like banshee devils and the so-called parents do nothing to at least deter the poor behavior, I have issues. Babies cry, I know that. I'm the oldest of 4 children and there is a 17-year age gap between me and my youngest sibling; I've changed my fair share of diapers and coddled my fair share of screaming babies. But, these two banshee devils sitting behind me on this plane were old enough to know better. I tried so hard to feel sorry for their mom, I'm sure traveling alone with 2 small kids is hard and stressful, but this woman clearly had no control over these little kids. Needless to say, my zen feeling dissipated amongst the screams and squeals of the banshee devils. They weren't sad or hungry or anything, they were just yelling for the sake of yelling. Because it was fun. Once we got airborne, (which also took forever, because the universe was taunting me) not even my iPod and 3DS could drown out the obnoxious yelling behind me. I won't continue to harp on this, but I will say that my mother-a woman who had to travel alone with 2 young children often enough and who is a patient person and only spanked us once in our lives-would have smacked us across the face for behaving the way the banshee devils did on this tiny-ass plane.

Alas, my tiny plane adventure was not as awesome.
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I kept it together until we landed, but while waiting to be picked up from the airport, I asked Boyfriend a series of questions about the logistics of our trip that he did not have answers to, and I had a meltdown. Right there in the airport terminal. The fatigue, and the fear, and the frustration took over and I just cried and cried. It was ridiculous. I managed to pull myself together by the time our ride got there to pick us up, but I felt like a giant mess. After we got settled at our friends' apartment and we filled me full of good greasy Southern food, I felt a lot better.


What? No. We can't stop here. This is fat country.
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The moral of this story? Never forget your meds, but Cook Out and Maxie B's make everything better. So much better, that I didn't even get all that stressed out on the return flight which was more of a comedy of errors than a house of horrors. But that's another story...