More Con-ing Around

Boyfriend and I attended Long Beach Comic Con on Sunday and had a grand old time.

I made a video.

Friday Favorites: Yule Edition

In 2 days, Boyfriend and I are traveling to Colorado to spend Christmas with my family, which means we are flying with Leeloo for the first time (and we all know how I feel about flying.) My biggest fear is that I will start having anxiety attacks before we even get on the plane, which will cause the dog to become very agitated, which will, in turn, make me have a full-blown anxiety-fueled meltdown, which will upset the dog even further and it will spiral out of control in a never ending anxious cycle until Leeloo and I are both trembling and screaming in a huddled mess in the aisle and get kicked off the plane. But maybe I'm overreacting already...story of my life.

That being said, let me distract all of us with some delightful (mostly) winter holiday themed links for your pre-Christmas enjoyment. Joyeaux Noel!

7 Reasons the TSA Sucks
In the spirit of holiday travel, which really doesn't do much for my anxious feelings...alas.

Best Ugly Sweater
Every nerd needs one of these for Christmas!

BS Christmas News Stories
Never fear, the "War on Christmas" is not really a thing.

Hardest VG Decisions
Not really holiday related, but still funny

A Christmas Letter From Neil & Sky
My friends Neil and Sky made this catchy holiday music video a couple of years ago. I enjoy it year after year. (Super NSFW)

35 Pictures Proving the World isn't Such a Bad Place
I've seen a few of these before, but they never stop warming my heart, or tearing my eyes.

The Friday Before Christmas
A magical holiday video made in less than 48 hours by your friends, The White Liars

And finally,

5 Moments when the Eleventh Doctor Broke our hearts
Are you guys ready for it? I'm going to be a blubbering Christmas mess December 25th at 9/8 Central time.

Memory Lane Monday: And I Thought L.A Would Be Boring...

Saturday was The Day of the Doctor, as any self-respecting Whovian would know. Unfortunately, I did not get to experience it live like the rest of the world. Because of budgetary concerns and simply because we refuse to give Time Warner Cable any more of our money, Boyfriend and I opted to not get cable after we moved. The internet and our vast collection of video game systems are more than enough for us. But, it is not without its downside. The downside being Boyfriend was at work all day Saturday (i.e. he had the car) and I was stuck at home, avoiding social media to prevent spoiling anything for myself. So, it was just me, Leeloo, and the PS3, and we settled in for a long boring day while we waited for Boyfriend to come home so we could definitely not illegally download the 50th Anniversary Special and watch it. As it turns out, our day was not so boring after all.

The day started normally enough: Boyfriend got up at the ass-crack of dawn to go to work all day with One Direction. Oh yeah, he got to be part of that 8 hour live stream magic. There was even supposed to be a Doctor Who patch-in and I waited for Boyfriend to text me so I could go online and watch it (seriously, I wasn't about to sit through 3 hours of 1D Day just for them to throw Doctor Who a bone.) But the text I got from Boyfriend in the late morning was that the Live "Doctor Who segment just went tits up" (that is a direct quote from Boyfriend via text) so that's when I said fuck it and decided to play Ni No Kuni for the rest of the day. Then things got...interesting. 

Sort of...

Around noon, Leeloo was sleeping on my lap while I was grinding and treasure hunting in Ni No Kuni when a noise scared the shit out of us. This was no ordinary noise. I'd never heard anything like this. My neighbor later described it as sounding like someone was dragging a washing machine full of bricks across concrete. But it was more than that, and it happened 3 or 4 times. It was so loud, it vibrated the building. It sounded like something heavy and metallic being dragged across cement mixed with a Tesla Cannon... inside my courtyard. Car alarms started going off, the power failed, Leeloo started running around barking her head off, and I could hear a crowd of neighbors exiting the building asking "What the fuck...?"  My first reaction was to think earthquake, but I've experienced one earthquake in my life and it didn't feel/sound like this. My second reaction was it sounded like a power plant explosion, but we didn't live near one. My third reaction was panic. After the fourth occurrence of the noise, curiosity overtook my fear and I went outside like the rest of the residents of the block. I documented the incident via Twitter just in case.

It turns out at least 2 of the directional transformers on the power line poles on our street shorted out and/or exploded. Very exciting. Except for the part where I didn't save my game and the power went out. And then it happened agin later in the day when the power company was trying to fix the situation. #NerdGurlProblems am I right? (Apparently loud explosions in my neck of the woods are not uncommon this year.)

And just when I thought my day couldn't get any more exciting...I was wrong again. I hate that. 

Leeloo and I went for a night walk around the neighborhood since we were no longer in danger of encountering downed power lines. towards the end of our loop back home, a lady in a Prius pulled up asking me if I'd seen a golden retriever running around. I told her that I had not and wished her luck. She drove off. Not 30 seconds later a giant golden dog bounded up to me, happy as could be. I grabbed him by the collar and turned hoping the Prius lady was driving slowly enough that I could yell at her, but she was gone. had I been on my own, I probably could have handled this giant 70+ lb dog, but his giant body that bounded around out of control, combined with Leeloo sprinting around my legs to simultaneously smell and hide from this behemoth dog made anything difficult. Somehow I managed to walk/hobble/be dragged down the street close-ish to the corner street light and miraculously, I got the giant dog to sit long enough for me to find his tag and call his owner to tell her I had him. 

Leeloo and I sat with our new friend, "Buddy" waiting for his mom. Well, Buddy and I sat, Leeloo sprinted in circles barking at his Buddy's giant rudder tail. I was feeling really good about myself and how serendipitous it was to be at the right place at the right time to reunite a frantic (oh boy, and I do mean frantic) dog owner with her Buddy. Stupid me. I should know better than to give the universe a chance to piss on my parade.  

Buddy's mom pulled up in her car several minutes later. Buddy, in his excitement (and me in my sillyness) got so excited/riled up at the site of her car, that he leaped forward just as I was trying to stand up. The next thing I knew was my face was firmly planted on the sidewalk, my knees hurt like hell, and Buddy was sprinting away into the darkness. Leeloo, the ever-staunch observer, barked and hopped around in the direction Buddy ran. I staggered after him into the blackness of some strange people's yard, but I couldn't find him. I ran back to the owner's car. She was standing there perplexed. I'm willing to give this woman the benefit of the doubt that she was just having a really bad day and was distraught at her dog running away, but to say that she was a basket-case would be the understatement of the century.

Short story long, Buddy got away again, but as the owner, and soon her friends in the Prius, and I congregated, dumbfounded, her cell phone rang. Someone else had found Buddy almost half a mile away. They all drove off into the night to retrieve Buddy, thanking me for my efforts. I hobbled home with Leeloo, hoping that Buddy was alright and that this story had a happy ending. My knees sure didn't have a happy ending.

No good deed goes unpunished

 But, it's nothing an underpants bandage can't fix.

I did eventually get to watch the 50th Anniversary Special and I also watched An Adventure in Space and Time. If you are a Whovian and have not seen either/both of these yet, get off your ass, you are missing out. They were/are both even better than I hoped for. 
Go. Go watch now! If you've watched, go watch again!!!

The Vortex of Rule 36 (NSFW)

My friend and fellow Whovian, Jen was having a bad time a couple of weeks ago and one of her friends  bought her a 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver toy to cheer her up. She was so excited that she posted a picture of it on Facebook and the following conversation ensued:

As you can see, I half-jokingly said that I'm sure a sonic screwdriver vibrator existed because of Rule 36. Then out of curiosity, I turned to my old friend, Google to make some hilarious search-engine magic and thus, further brighten Jen's day with ridiculous pics of crazy sonic screwdriver vibrators. But here's the unbelievable part: It. Doesn't. Exist.

I will repeat that. There does not exist a Doctor Who sonic screwdriver vibrator available for retail purchase. Are you kidding me?!?! The world has a sparkling (goddamn sparkling, you guys) icy Twilight dildo but no DOCTOR WHO vibrators?!?!?! WTF internet?!?! You have failed me! I was so flabbergasted by the difficulty of finding such a nerdy obscure sex toy on the internet that I proceeded to lose the next 2 hours of my life to the vortex time suck that is Rule 36.

I was on a mission. I refused to believe that Doctor Who sex toys didn't exist. I needed to know. I needed to find them- not for any personal use- merely on the principle that something with such a massive and cult fandom did not have a plethora of weird kinky shit to go along with it. It's just not normal. I was somewhat correct in my refusal to believe something so nerdy did not have a market for fetishism. I discovered the existence of the "TaRDIS Tickler." Not quite as exciting or pleasing as a vibrating sonic screwdriver, but way more sparkly than that stupid Twi-hard ice dick. (Seriously, if you didn't read the reviews on The Vamp page, you're missing out. Good reads.)

I finally found my answers through the Houston Press and Geek Kink (unfortunately, their Etsy account is no longer active.) There exists a crowd-sourced Sonic Vibrator, but only one Sonic Screwdriver vibrator. The only known Sonic Screwdriver Vibrator I could find in existence was a custom order through Geek Kink. They sell plenty of other items that I'm not shocked exist: TaRDIS BDSM paddles, My Little Pony BDSM paddles (you know, normal Rule 36 stuff) but only one custom 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver vibrator.

Etsy's got weird shit, you guys.

 They said they built the custom vibrator by Jerry-rigging a sonic screwdriver toy with an electric toothbrush motor because it's the same motor that comes in your standard vibrator. (Think about that the next time you brush your teeth.) But Geek Kink can't mass produce them because they built it out of an already existing licensed product. I know DW is technically a family-friendly show, but come on, BBC! Get on that!!! You're sitting on a potential gold mine of Doctor stimulated orgasms!!! People pay good money for stuff like that! 


Wait a tick-

I honestly wonder what the licensing rights to Doctor Who sonic screwdriver sex toys would cost to procure... Oh my god, I'm sitting on a million dollar idea, you guys! Who knows a good patent & licensing attorney?!


And this is why I never get anything done.

New to Who: a Nerdist Call to Action

Any Doctor Who fans out there? Oh, hi! There you are! If you have yet to see this, here is an important message from our artistically nerd-tastic leader Chris Hardwick:



I am so glad he made this video! I'm not exactly "new" to Doctor Who, but I certainly don't claim to be what a hard-core WHOvian would consider an expert on the Doctor. Nevertheless, a fan is a fan, and I agree that we should be embracing newbies and not shunning them for being "a little late to the party" (as Susan Arendt told me once.)
We were all new to something that we are currently passionate about at one time in our lives, and my own first experience with Doctor Who was not quite welcoming. 

One evening in the summer of 2006 after I had moved home with my parents after graduation, I was bored and didn't want to go to bed, so I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. I didn't get very far before I stumbled upon one nerdily dreamy David Tennant in The Girl in the Fireplace episode of Doctor Who. My interest in British TV and movies had made a resurgence with the re-releasing of Monty Python's Flying Circus on DVD (I already owned the VHS box set) and after becoming obsessed with Shaun of the Dead and Harry Potter in college.  So, I thought, "This is handsome British fellow with a fancy magic wand that fixes everything! I will watch this." And watch I did.  I missed the first part of the episode and had never watched Doctor Who before, so I was a little lost on some things, and had no clue what I was watching, but I loved it anyway. It was funny and goofy and heartfelt, and starred a cutie British chap in a stripey brown suit.

*le fawn*

When the credits rolled on my TV screen and I discovered the name of the show was Doctor Who, I instantly recognized the name, but I didn't know why. I racked my brain to try to remember why I knew the name of the show.  Eventually, I recalled that it was generally considered a "nerdy" show like Star Trek (at this point I still had mixed feelings about "outing" myself as a nerd.) I casually asked around to see if any of my (so-called)friends had watched it or knew more about it. My (now-ex)boyfriend sort of pshaw-ed me 1)for not knowing what Doctor Who was and 2)for wanting to watch more of it because it was "a lame sci-fi from the 70s that [his] dad tried to get him into." (This ex was referring to the 4th doctor, Tom Baker, whom, I later learned was in fact, not lame.) Well, I decided to try to ignore this ex, whom I'd been testing the waters of my nerd-dom with, and tried to find other episodes of Doctor Who to watch. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember what channel I found it on, so I would subsequently stumble upon bits of episodes featuring the 10th Doctor, the 4th Doctor, and the 8th Doctor for the next few years until Boyfriend and I made friends who were in love with Doctor Who and not only encouraged our interest in the show, but got Boyfriend hooked starting with the 9th Doctor.  I watched a handful of episodes with him on Netflix, but I couldn't fall in love with it again.  As great an actor as Christopher Eccleston is, he wasn't my Doctor.


ThinkGeek

 Sadly, I didn't even know who my Doctor was. I didn't know enough about the show to tell people which Doctor I liked best, (in fact, for a long time, I didn't know there was more than one Doctor) but all that has changed thanks to better/informative friends, better access to British television, and the internet's vast reach. So, in honor of Chris Hardwick's #newtoWHO challenge (and also because we wanna) Boyfriend and I started a Doctor Who marathon this week to get me all caught up. So far, we've watched the first 7 episodes of the 9th Doctor and plan to watch until we are current with the Matt Smith episodes (which I have seen far too few of.) Then, we plan to watch as many of the classic Who episodes as possible, or we may just pick from my buddy Kanderson's list of favorite classic episodes.

So many Doctors, so little time!
BBC America

So, if you are #newtoWHO, welcome! Even if you don't remember what T.A.R.D.I.S means yet, or why Daleks are bad, or why Donna and/or K9 might be the most despised companions of the show's history, you are one of us (one of usss) and we will help you navigate the WHOniverse.  Also, if you're interested in learning a more in-depth history of Who, I will pimp out my friend Kanderson again and tell you to check out his series of articles on Nerdist, Doctor Who For Newbies. Allons-y!!!