25 Days of Jessmas Day 10: Maine & Maryland

On the 10th day of Jessmas, my Google-Fu found for me:


Maine:

"The Maine Christmas Song" by: Malinda Liberty

This song reminds me of the sappy/cheesy music that plays underneath old tourism videos from the 80's.  I've never been to Maine, but I can completely picture snow-covered lanes, horse-drawn sleighs, lobster pots, mountains, and the craggy Atlantic beaches shown over the lyrics "That's the spirit of Maine at Christmastime / from her mountains to her great Atlantic shore."  Then a voice-over saying, "Come visit the spirit of Maine this holiday season."
I should have gone into advertising.

If you're from Maine, you probably really like this song, unfortunately, I just have to role my eyes at it.

2 out of 5 Lobstahs (I'm sorry...kind of)

Maryland:

"Crabs For Christmas" by: David DeBoy

Yes, this is a real song that actually gets radio play in Maryland during Christmas and is apparently a beloved Baltimore tradition at this time of year.  If you're from Baltimore or anywhere else in Maryland you probably look forward to this song every year.  I don't quite get all the jokes, but I could see why people might enjoy this song.  It's catchy, and I'm sure it hilarious if you're from the region. It's not a song I would want to hear more than once a year.

2 out of 5 Crabs (because what else would it be?)

"Christmas in Baltimore" by: Milkshake

And we have another song that sounds like it belongs in a tourism video, albeit a more modern one.  The song is a bit cheesy, but catchy and upbeat and positive, which is nice because Baltimore gets a lot of flak.  However, I didn't like this song.  It's boring and seems unoriginal.

2 out of 5 Tracey Turnblads

  

25 Days of Jessmas Day 9: Kentucky & Louisiana

On the 9th day of Jessmas, my Google-Fu sang to me:


Kentucky:


"Christmas in Kentucky" by: Steven Curtis Chapman

I didn't care for this song.  It sounds too generic and like every other Christian pop song I've ever heard.  The lyrics are also kind of weird.  The chorus mentions that it's Christmas in Kentucky, but it doesn't really sing about Christmas in Kentucky.  Again, just generic lyrics about God's love and that it's Christmas all over the world and blah blah blah.  The music itself is really nice and the children chorus near the end is pretty, but I'm not a fan of the song as a whole.

1.5 out of 5 Kentucky Bourbons

"Kentucky Homemade Christmas" by: Kenny Rogers

It's amazing how a song so upbeat and classic country could be so depressing.  When a song opens with "They shut down the min last summer / we're gettin' by on welfare / it's Christmas Eve I'm walking home / not a dollar to my name."  You know you're in for a real treat.
I want to think that the song is meant to be uplifting since they still have Christmas in their home, it's just not store-bought, it's homemade.  However, towards the end of the song he sings about how he'd "damn near rob a bank" to be able to buy his kids the one present they each want.
Once again, this song sings about feelings and the grimness that is a reality for many people, but I just don't like it in my Christmas music.

3 out of 5 Gambling Kenny Rogers

"No Christmas in Kentucky" by: Phil Ochs

And I didn't think it could get more grim than the previous song.  At least "Kentucky Homemade Christmas" still spoke of handmade heartfelt gifts and family.  But this song is bitter as hell about being poor in Kentucky at Christmas.  "For the trees don't twinkle when you're hungry / and the jingle bells don't jingle when you're poor."  Yikes.  Talk about a downer of a Christmas song.  Yet again, I realize he is singing about a very real often forgotten segment of the population, but damn.


1 out of 5 Coal Mines

Louisiana:

"Louisiana Christmas Day" by: Aaron Neville

This song sounds sort of like polka meets country meets Jazz and, at times, sounds like something Weird Al would write.  It was a little strange because I've only ever heard Aaron Neville sing R&B. But it is definitely a groovin tune. I don't have much to say about it other than it's a fun upbeat Christmas song to dance to.  A welcome antidote to the downer songs from Kentucky.

4 out of 5 Christmas Fleur de Lis

"Christmas in New Orleans" by Louis Armstrong

Classic big band jazz and Louis Armstrong singing about New Orleans landmarks and sights at Christmastime.  I don't know what more you need in a song.  

4 out of 5 French Quarters (Peace Y'all!)

"Christmas on the Bayou" by Vin Bruce

Now here we have some old school Bayou country music.  Guitar, steel guitar, fiddle and what sounds like some good ol' Louisiana Creole or Cajun French dialect that I, with my 5 years of (Parisian) French classes, had trouble deciphering.
This is an upbeat little ditty, and if you speak/understand more Louisiana French than I do, you'll probably quite enjoy this song.

3 out of 5 Bayou Santas

"12 Yats of Christmas" by: Benny Grunch and The Bunch

I questioned whether or not to include this song, only because I truly cannot listen to the entire thing.  This is a song I've heard many time before at Boyfriend's brother's house, as Boyfriend's sister-in-law grew up in Louisiana and thinks this song is hilarious.  Apparently, it is a New Orleans Christmas classic.  Listen at your own risk.

1 out of 5 Bourbon Streets

Artist

25 Days of Jessmas Day 3: California & Colorado

On the third day of Christmas we come upon the state where I grew up and the state where I now reside.

California:

In case you never noticed, there are so many damn songs about California!  And this includes Christmas songs.  These are just 2 of many songs about Christmas in the Golden State, such as the creatively named:

"Christmas in California" by: Brian Battles

Out of all the Christmas songs I came across about California, I hated this one the least.  It's catchy and cheesy, but in a winky tongue-in-cheek way. It has a Beach Boys sound and clearly jokes about that fact. It's dumb but I liked it.

3 out of 5 surfboards.

"Christmas in California" by: The Cheetah Girls



Oh.

My.

God.

Kill it. Kill it with Fire!
I take back all the snark and shade I threw at Arkansas' song. This is the worst. The literal worst. Sorry Millennials.  This is how we failed you. Never mind the national debt, student loans, and the lack of jobs. It's this.

0 out of 5 Cheetahs

Honorable Mention:
"Christmas in San Francisco" by: Tony Romano
Because Northern California needs some love too.


Colorado:

"Colorado Christmas" by: Nitty Gritty Dirt Band



Seeing as how this song is about the state where I grew up, you would think that I would love it.  It does tug at my heartstrings a little, but since it's not a song I grew up listening to, I don't have any deep nostalgia or fondness for it.  It's one of those songs that we probably heard every now and then in the car on the country radio station at Christmas time. Also, I never loved the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band mostly because everyone outside of CO always thought we were just a bunch of cowboys who skied all the time, I kind of resented the Nitty Gritty fellas for perpetuating the cowboy stereotype.
But after giving the song a fresh listen after many years, it's not so bad.

2 out of 5 skiing cowboys.

25 Days of Jessmas Day 2: Arizona & Arkansas

On the second day of Christmas, my Google-Fu found for me:

Arizona:

"Arizona Christmas" by: Dave Vitagliano & The Volunteers



This tune is rather pleasant yet the lyrics walk the thin line between nostalgic and silly.  He sings about chili pepper wreathes and the howl of the coyotes which is silly, but his vocals and the pleasing folksy sound are kind of nice and soothing.
So, overall, it's kind of dumb...but in a nice way.

3 out of 5 Chili Peppers

"Christmas in Arizona" by: Tom Tuerff


 And on the other end of the dumb Christmas song spectrum, we have this little...gem?  After listening to the first 30 seconds of this song I heard everything I needed to hear to tell you the gist of the song.  While the previous song poked gentle fun at Arizona at Christmastime, this one blatantly (and literally) says, "It sucks!"

I'm not a fan.

1 out of 5 Krampuses

Arkansas:

"Christmastime in Arkansas" by: Ned Perme & Terry Rose



Ugh. Gag me with a spoon.  10 seconds into this song and I wanted to barf.  It's beyond cloying.  The piano chords alone sound like every cheesy love song ever. He invokes "country cookin," the Ozarks, and "this old house."  He also rhymes "gather" with "together."  No. No. NO.
The best part about this song is that it's short...ish.
I listened to this song so you don't have to.

1 out of 5 Little Rocks

Get it? 

God, I'm hilarious!

25 Days of Jessmas Day 1: Alabama & Alaska

On the first day of Christmas my Google-Fu sang to me:

Alabama:

"Merry Christmas, Alabama (Never Far From Home)" by: Jimmy Buffett

My inner Parrothead  is happy I could add Mr. Buffett not just to this list, but right at the top!  For people more fond of Jimmy's "island sound" vs his country roots, you might be a little disappointed by this song.  He sings about his Alabama roots and how he's traveled far in his life, but clearly never forgets home. Yes, it's a little cheesy and screams nostalgia, but doesn't every Christmas song?  I'm biased because I grew up listening to Jimmy Buffett, but I like this song.

I give it 5 out of 5 Christmas Parrots

"Christmas in Dixie" by Alabama



Yes, there is a band named Alabama, and shockingly, they wrote a Christmas song about the state of Alabama.  Are their songs painfully country and nostalgic? Yes. But do I still like their Christmas album? Yes.  This was another band that I hold near and dear simply because my mom listened to this album at Christmas every year for most of my childhood, so they also get a nostalgia point from me.

I give this song 4 out of 5 Alabama State flags.

(Yes the AL state flag is just a big red X.)


Alaska:

"It's Christmas Every Day in Alaska" by Hank Thompson



Hoo boy, this song sure is...something...
I honestly can't quite tell if this song is meant to be satirical or charming.  According to Hank Thompson's "official" website he was supposedly "The King of Western Swing" with a career that spanned 7 decades, so I'm guessing it was supposed to be a good-natured song.
It's full of very strange stereotypes about Alaska, and I can't really say that it's about Christmas other than him singing that it's Christmas every day in Alaska. It's a weird song but kind of catchy.  If any Alaskans want to chime in on your opinion of this song, I'm all ears.

I give it 2 out of 5 Caribou.

25 Days of Jess-mas Or The Great American Christmas Challenge

Last week, just like many Americans, Boyfriend and I were travelling for Thanksgiving.  We drove to and from central Colorado to visit my family because it was cheaper than flying.  On our 2-day drive home, we listened to my vast collection of Christmas songs (and it grows each year.)  Upon listening to "Indiana Christmas" by Straight No Chaser, I wondered out loud if there was at least one Christmas song about every state in America.  Boyfriend and I tried to make a game out of naming state-related Christmas songs.  We didn't get very far down the list.  We were only able to name about 3 or 4 off the top of our head, but the question kept nagging at me even after we got home and life started to get back to normal.

So, to answer my question, and to get me back into the swing of writing every day, I invented this writing exercise/project for myself.  I and calling it 25 Days of Jess-mas Or The Great American Christmas Challenge.
Every day for the 25 days of Christmas, I will highlight Christmas from 2 states in America in Alphabetical order (50 states, 25 days of Christmas.)

I've also set forth some rules for what qualifies a song for my list:

1) No song can be used for more than one state
2) The song should be about Christmas/winter and about the State (or city within the state) I've associated it with 
3) It should be a published/recorded song (such as on the radio/album)
4) Try not to use parodies 

Countdown to PAX east 2012 (Continued)

Pax East is less than 2 days away!!!

Last year, this song brought the house down. (Probably NSFW)




You can watch the entire PAX east 2011 Paul & Storm set here.