Memory Lane Monday: Scarred For Life Edition or What Were Our Parents Thinking?

Do you remember?  You do, don't you?  You remember that random scene in that one movie that had little consequence to the rest of the film, but it scared you.  Terrified you to your very core.  It gave you nightmares and scarred your wee child soul.  For life.
Or maybe it was a TV show.  Or a commercial.  Or a picture in a book.  Never intended to ruin your mind, but just create drama within the medium.  Oh but it did.  It created drama and fear in your brain.  It ruined you didn't it?

OK, I'm being overly dramatic, but you know what I'm talking about: we all had images we were exposed to in our childhood that were upsetting or terrified us.  And most of these came from children's books/movies/TV!  What were the grown-ups thinking?

So here are some things from children's movies/TV/books that scarred me for life:

-The Rite of Spring sequence in Disney's Fantasia 

 OK, I don't know how much Disney actually intended this movie for children per se, but this entire sequence of the movie crushed my soul and haunted my dreams. We start off with an awesome scene of dinosaurs. Hell yes.  Then a storm rolls in and holy shit it's a T-Rex and all the other dinos and critters are scared shitless, but the bad ass stego decided to take him on.  And then dies a horrible and dramatic death. Now I'm sad and scared.  But it doersn't stop there.  Then we get to watch as every dinosaur on the planet suffers a slow and agonizing death as we see the great extinction.  Yay.  I'm serious when I say this gave me bad dreams for a week.
 

-The "Giant Mouse of Minsk" scene from An American Tail

If I have one person in all of entertainment to thank for single-handedly scarring me for life more than anyone else, it would be one Mr. Don Bluth.  Most of the "kids" movies that ruined me, Don Bluth had a hand in (I'm looking at you Land Before Time and All Dogs Go to Heaven!) Really anything directed by Don Bluth belongs on this list, but I chose this scene from An American Tail because look at it!
 


Thanks for the nightmares, Don Bluth.

 
-In a Dark Dark Room and Other Scary Stories

 Yup, that's the same Alvin Schwartz who penned the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark series which was just a treasure trove of haunting imagery.  Seriously, pick up any Scary Stories book and flip to a random page. Boom. Nightmare fuel. 

You didn't need to sleep tonight, right?

But In a Dark Dark Room was intended for very young readers and it haunted six-year-old me with images like this:

That cat could not give less of a shit.

 Yup.  Nothing like reading a small child a story that ends with an old lady's head falling off. (Spoilers)

 -Pretty much any episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

90's kids, this show was our jam, amiright?!  Every Saturday night, my butt was firmly planted in my favorite arm chair and I was glued to this show.  But let's be real, this show was scary as shit. The opening credits alone were pulled directly from your nightmares.  They were like the creepy VHS tape in The Ring but less...horse-murdery.  Pick any AYAotD? episode and there was probably a terrifying image that made hundreds of kids pee themselves.

Exhibit A

Fear of children? Check.

Exhibit B

Nosferatu haunted my dreams for literally weeks. 

Exhibit C

Thanks for that fear of indoor swimming pools, Nickelodeon.

Also, this:

This.  This was a goddamn kids show!!!


Beh.  I need to go back to therapy now.  
Sweet dreams, kids!

Memory Lane Monday: Educational Games of Childhood

NOTE: Sorry this edition of Memory Lane Monday is a day late being posted. I don't really have a great excuse.  I got busy with Real Life. Sorry. I promise this will most likely never happen again.

Playing Girls Like Robots had reminded me how much I enjoy logic games. Then, that reminded me of how much I enjoyed all of those classic educational games of my childhood. How I miss those wonderful old "now-the-teacher-can-go-have-a-smoke-break-while-the-kids-are-learning" games in all their 8-bit glory. Those were the days. Even though many times, they danced dangerously on the line of educational vs loosely based on something you may learn about in school, we didn't care as long as we didn't have to take notes.

My very first learning game was Ernie's Big Splash, which I have discussed in the past. Ernie was essentially my "gateway game" but my mom was hesitant to buy lots and lots of computer games, afraid of turning my brain to mush. So we started simple with educational games like:

Reader Rabbit

Source

Reader Rabbit was a spelling and reading game. I don't remember much about it except that it involved trains and a word factory and you had to fill in missing letters or group together words that were alike. Well, actually that was the whole game, wasn't it? I also remember that it taught me how to spell and read simple words at an early age. I already loved books and reading as a wee one, but I really do credit this game with my ability to read to myself by the time I was four, and also why my reading comprehension levels were off the charts throughout my school days (surely the only thing that saved me and my depression/anxiety-riddled brain from being placed in a "special" class.) I also know this game was a success enough for my mom because she continued to buy me more games. Thanks, Reader Rabbit!

Number Munchers & Super Number Munchers

Source

Number Munchers was a Pac-Man-like game that was a better way to be quizzed on math skills than flash cards. You had to move the Green Muncher around the grid on the screen and make him eat the numbers that met the criteria on the top of the screen ("multiples of 5" for example.) But while running around on the screen munching numbers, you also had to watch out for Troggles, ugly purple guys who would eat the Green Muncher if he caught you.  This game was one of many attempts by my mom to improve my math skills. I had horrible math anxiety as a kid which was not made any better by having two parents who were very good with numbers (my mom trained to be a CPA at one point.)  But the Number Munchers games did eventually help that math anxiety. As an adult, I have discovered that I have a slight dyslexia with numbers, so the anxiety is still there a bit, but it is manageable now. I liked Super Number Munchers the best, not only because the graphics were better, but mostly because the Green Muncher wore a cape. What other reason does one need?

Mavis Beacon

Who remembers this bitch? Who else had this as a staple int heir elementary school?  Since these newfangled computers appeared to be necessary for every day life in the future, all kids in school were required to learn typing skills. What better way to do that than introducing them to a fictional typing expert? One of my teachers in school must have been Gutenberg's typesetter or something, she was so old and crotchety and when you were in her class, it was a dictatorship. If she even suspected you of thinking about looking at the keys (aka "cheating") while typing, you were shamed with being boxed. No, not ear-boxing- I didn't grow up in the South. She would but a modified shoe box over your hands while you typed so you couldn't look at the keyboard. I was "boxed" so many times I had my own. I decorated it and everything. The TMNT and pony stickers did not make the box any cooler, however.  In all seriousness, I did like Mavis Beacon as a program. It was a lot of fun and I much preferred sitting in front of a computer screen to sitting in class taking notes off of an overhead projector (remember those things?)  Mavis was a really great tool that taught me a lot.



And they wonder why texting and driving is such an epidemic nowadays. Thanks, Mavis!


Super Solvers


Wiki

My dad bought me Super Solvers Outnumbered as yet another attempt to improve my math grades in school. I really enjoyed playing this game. Alone. When I played alone, I could run away from Telly the robot in the hallway that made you do a math quiz. When playing with my dad, he always made me let the Telly catch me, and sat there while I sweated through the pop math quiz. Go away Telly! I don't want to do math!  This game had a lot of qualities I loved. It was a platformer where you wandered around an old TV station at night looking for clues as to the whereabouts of the Master of Mischief. Yes, there was math, but it also involved logic puzzles and word problems, which I never seemed to hate as much as everyone else. Plus there was always immense satisfaction when I earned enough points to get my ranking to go up.

Pro bitches!

The Super Solvers franchise had a lot of other really cool games like Treasure Mountain! which I never owned, but played a lot of at my friends' houses. Now that was an awesome well-rounded game.  Except for those little magic-coin-stealing elves. Those bastards were evil. 

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

Wiki

Long before the iconic red trench coat and hat, and the 90's game show on PBS, this green box came to mind whenever I thought of Carmen Sandiego. This was a game I'm pretty sure my dad bought for himself under the guise of buying it for me. It was a little too advance for me to play all by myself in the 80's and early 90's, plus with my dad being very interested in travel and having travelled lots of "exotic" places for work, he knew a lot more about geography than I did. I loved playing this game with my dad. I credit this game and my dad's love of travel with my interest in other cultures and the reason I can use a map like a champ. This game should really be a required learning tool for everyone, especially for like such as US Americans who don't have maps and such as...


The Oregon Trail

Photo credit: The_Pug_Father via Flickr

What list of beloved childhood educational computer games would be complete without this classic? We learned so much from this game, like...there really was a trail to Oregon and people really loaded up wagons and rode on in the 1800's.  And...also...lots of people died of dysentery...which is basically pooping yourself to death...and...yeah. 
Ok, so The Oregon Trail game danced on that line of "educational game" much like the "inspired by actual events" line that Hollywood likes to dance on, but it didn't matter. If you were a kid in school in the 80's and 90's this game was the greatest thing in the classroom since the A/V cart. 

Source

Thanks to PCMag.com, YesterYear Gaming, and Old-Games.com for inspiration, information, and a stroll down memory lane. *Sigh* now all I want to do is play all these old games again. Argh! Stupid not having administrative privileges on work computer! Er...I mean, playing games on my work computer would be wrong. Yes. Very very wrong...

Memory Lane Monday: And Then The Voice of My Childhood Hugged Me and I May Never Stop Crying

You may remember my New York Comic Con experience last year as quite a disappointment. Well, all is forgiven, NYCC, because this year was amazing! Boyfriend and I opted to only go one day this year since a 3-day pass was such a waste last time. In the one day we were there, however, there was much more organization, clearer information, and more crew members to help. Thanks for getting your act together NYCC. My two goals this time around were to actually have a conversation with The Oatmeal (instead of grinning at him like a dumbass) and to meet Rob Paulsen.




Operation Talk to The Oatmeal Do-Over was a success!!!

 Matt from The Oatmeal was really fun.  He was obviously a little tired, but Boyfriend and I had fun chatting with him for a moment.  He signed Boyfriend's tin of Irish oatmeal and I told him the story of last year and how awkward I was.  He confessed he was so jet-lagged that he has no recollection of the entirety of NYCC last year so he told me he probably didn't even notice my gaffe. Awesome.  Then he drew me a picture in my book and clarified that the little dangly things at the bottom were "feet, not penises." Success.

The Oatmeal on oatmeal.

With a successful Oatmeal encounter under our belts, we were feeling good, but the butterflies started to form in my tummy the closer the time got to the meet-and-greet with Rob Paulsen at the ShiftyLook booth.  Rob Paulsen was essentially the voice of my childhood. He was Raphael (my favorite Ninja Turtle) he was Yakko Warner, Pinky, and countless others; he filled my cartoon-watching days with witty sarcasm and laughter. As a child with undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and self-esteem issues, coming home on miserable day after miserable day at school to watch Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain was what kept me going. Rob's voice made such an impression on me as a kid that I have to give him some credit with influencing me as a performer as well. I had basically been waiting 20 years to meet this man. No pressure, right?

There's an old adage that warns against meeting your heroes because they could never live up to what you built them up to be in your head, and sometimes people turn out to be just plain assholes.  What if I had built this hero up in my head to be something he wasn't? But, to say that Rob rose to the occasion and fulfilled this dream of mine is the understatement of the goddamned century. He blew any fantasy I had of meeting him out of the water. Not even my dreams of the "perfect" meet-and-greet even compared to the real Rob Paulsen. The man is the most humble, kind-hearted, generous, and patient celebrity I have ever met. I only hope my soul can shine half as brightly as his does some day. It was everything I could have hoped for and so much more.

We were some of the first arrivals at the ShiftyLook booth waiting for him.  Once they made the announcement and did some promotion of the new Bravoman cartoon, it turned out to be a very informal meet-and-greet; no table, no line, just Rob in the center of the crowd taking his time with everyone.  And I must also give major kudos to everyone waiting around in the booth. People totally obeyed Wheaton's Law and patiently waited their turns and didn't crowd or push. Kudos Comic Con-ers, kudos. There was a special-needs boy waiting next to us just vibrating with excitement. We think he may have had severe Autism or some other developmental challenge, and he was just so damn excited to get to meet "Pinky" that we did not have the heart to make him wait a second longer than he had to, so we let him go first.  Watching Rob take his time with this boy and talk to him as Pinky and then give his mom a hug was heartwarming and so touching and showed his character as a person. Any fear or nervousness I had started to melt away. When it was Boyfriend's turn to talk to Rob, this exchange took place:

Boyfriend: Hi Rob!

Rob: Hello! Hey, buddy look at you, showing up with two chicks! (Referring to me and our friend Krista with our cameras at the ready) I wanna hang out with this guy!

Boyfriend: (Laughing and pointing to me) Well, this one's with me.

Rob: Well of course she is! (To me) You know you are way above his pay-grade, sweetie.

Boyfriend: Oh, she knows. But I gotta punch above my weight, you know.

Rob: Boy are you ever, look at her, she's beautiful!

My head almost exploded at that point.

They chit-chatted for a minute and Boyfriend had Rob sign a yellowing piece of paper with his old TMNT sticker collection on it from when he was 7 years old. Rob was tickled by it and signed it "Turtle power" which made Boyfriend turn into a little kid before my very eyes. Then it was my turn. Boyfriend pulled himself together again to make sure he took my picture.  He understood how much this encounter with Rob meant to me. I was shaking like a frostbitten chihuahua the entire time I spoke to Rob. I handed him my Animaniancs Volume 1 DVD set so he could sign it.  He flirted with me in Yakko's voice and I almost squealed and peed my pants but managed to keep myself under control.

   

Squeeeeeeee!!!

I wanted to stand there for an hour telling him how much his work has meant to me, but I'm not a complete lunatic. I told Rob I'd waited at least 15 years to meet him, and thanked him for bringing so much joy and laughter into my childhood and before he could modestly "oh pshaw," I told him a little bit about my lifelong struggle with depression and how he helped me deal with it because he gave me reasons to smile and laugh while growing up. That's when I started to choke up, and I'm amazed I was able to speak clearly enough for him to understand the words tumbling out of my mouth. But, he immediately gave me the longest, warmest hug I've ever received from a pseudo-stranger.  He held me while I cried on his shoulder. He talked right into my ear, so no one else heard what he said to me.

"Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that with me, sweetie. Thank you so much. I am honored to be able to do that for you."

He spoke to me in a sweet, sincere, patient voice. He didn't talk down to me. He didn't patronize me. He thanked me for telling him about my illness and told me that I validated his career because he was able to bring me moments of happiness. He said I was strong and beautiful because I had made it this far in life. He reminded me that I had to keep pushing through it, and not give up. Just when I was content to believe that the hug would never end, he looked me in my watery eyes and told me I had made his day. I made his day?!?! The man just made my goddamned life! Then he outdid himself and gave me a firm affectionate kiss on my salty tear-soaked cheek and another quick squeeze.  He told me to take good care of Boyfriend. I promised to do just that, blubbered a "thank you" and then I fled to the corner of the booth to finish crying in private away from the staring eyes of the crowd behind us. Boyfriend later told me that Rob shook his hand one last time and gave him that fatherly look that said "You take good care of her" before Boyfriend came over to comfort me.  Boyfriend hugged me and said, "You did it!" while I cried, releasing years of anxiety, and heartache, and hope, and joy. It was healing.

The entire encounter with Rob only lasted a few minutes, but replaying it in my mind it feels like it lasted hours and it filled me with a lifetime of joy. Time slowed down and moved backwards. It was like Rob was hugging me and my 10-year-old self at the same time. He reached through time and healed that sad, scrawny, scared little girl sitting in front of her TV.


Bless you, Rob Paulsen.

 Dear Rob,

There are not enough words in the English language to thank you properly. I don't know that I could ever accurately describe how much better my life has been with your voice in it.  But, I will try. Thank you. Thank you for the love you give to your fans. Thank you for treating those of us whom the rest of the world views as "broken" like we're rock stars. That above all is what truly speaks to your amazing character. Thank you.  Thank you for years of laughter and happy tears. You have completely made this gurl's life, and filled me with new courage to pursue my dreams. Thank you.  Also, sorry if while I was crying I snotted on your awesome shirt.

A lifetime of thanks,

Jessica



Cue Jess tears in 3...2...1...

Memorandum:

Let it be known to all who encounter me: if you so much as utter one unkind word of Mr. Rob Paulsen, them's fightin' words, and I will cut you. You are warned.

Smiles,

Jess