A is for April: It's back!

Once again, I am stepping up to the A-Z Blogging Challenge while at the same time demonstrating my amazing ability to bite off more than I can chew! Ta Da!!!
I'm starting off with the oh-so original title of "A is for April," because...well, duh. It's April. April is also my birthday month as I'm sure I've mentioned before. A is also the first letter of the word adjustment, and anxiety, and boy howdy am I experiencing just that these days.


To say that I've had trouble adjusting to life in California, would be an understatement. It was the biggest move I ever made in my life. I know I've said all of this before, but I'm probably going to continue talking about it (hopefully less and less as time goes on) until I finally feel "at home" here.  Thankfully, I have noticed that my anxiety has gone through some positive adjustments here. I find more and more that when I am anxious I can pinpoint a source or a cause or a "thing" I am anxious about, unlike while living in NY my anxiety seemed to have a life of its own. I look back and can see that my anxiety in NY was dancing on the fine line between general anxiety and paranoia.  But here in California, I can tell myself that when I check that the door is locked for the 3rd time before bed, or ask Boyfriend where the dog is for the umpteenth time (she's in her bed) I can trace these anxious behaviors to anxiety we both feel about paying bills and the frustration of building our life from scratch in a brand new place. It's normal anxiety. It's not fun, but it's anxiety that makes sense.  Now, my social anxiety? Well that's a whole other story.  So, am I adjusting? Yes. Am I anxious? Fuck yes.  But am I the crumbling cracked-up mess of a person barely being held together by old chewing gum and left over packaging tape that I was 5 months ago?  Only sometimes.  

Hey, I'll take it.

Also, Leeloo is totes a California girl now, so we can't move again.