You are so little and cute, but I'm sorry, you are vermin and your little poopies carry Hantavirus and therefore, you must die sooner than God intended. Please know that I will feel a considerable amount of guilt when I hear the click of the trap. No hard feelings.
Your Host,
Jess
Dear radio station,
I don't know who or what you are, but you are the only station with perfect music-to-talk-to-commercial ratio at the wee hours of the morning when I have to wake up for work. That being said, could you please play something other than Green Day and Red Hot Chili Peppers every morning at 6:30am? This is why I'm buying a light therapy alarm clock. No hard feelings.Your cranky listener,
Jess
Dear MRI Machines,
You are giant and scary and loud. I do not like you. I fear and dislike you so much, that I (a late-twenty-something-year-young woman) brought one Perry the Platypus plush into the procedure with me. I hope you're happy. The technicians I'm sure had a hearty chuckle at my expense after I left the facility. Do not judge me, MRI machine!
Perry the Platypus judges you.
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