H is for Happy Birthday!

"If we didn’t have birthdays, you wouldn’t be you. If you’d never been born, well then what would you do? If you’d never been born, well then what would you be? You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree! You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes! You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes."

"Or worse than all that…Why, you might be a WASN’T! A Wasn’t has no fun at all. No, he doesn’t. A Wasn’t just isn’t. He just isn’t present. But you…You ARE YOU! And, now isn’t that pleasant!" "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive...

...who is you-er than you! Shout loud, “I am lucky to be what I am! Thank goodness I’m not just a clam or a ham Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam! I am what I am! That’s a great thing to be! If I say so myself, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!” -Dr. Seuss

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Ok, so today isn't really my birthday, it's a couple days away, but I don't care, I want to talk about it today! I've mentioned before that I've had some really good birthdays in the past. It's easy to get excited about your birthday as a kid; there's always cake and ice cream and lots of shiny presents and everyone generally makes a big deal about you for a whole day, but that all kind of dies down the older you get.  I think my 21st birthday may have been the last birthday that was really a "big deal" and, honestly, I don't remember what I did on that particular birthday...which was probably the point at the time.

As an adult, I've had mostly quiet birthdays but part of me wants to have a ridiculous balls-to-the-wall-crazy-time party again as I did in my youth. But, then my anxiety kicks in and I sit and think, "What if no one shows up and I'm stuck getting pitying glances from the venue staff all night? What if lots of people I don't like show up out of no where and I'm stuck making awkward conversation with them all night? I can't throw them out because then I would be a birthday bitch shunning the only people who bothered to be at my party." And then I remember that I no longer enjoy planning parties due to the many parties that I put effort into planning over the years and then no one showed up (20-somethings are impossible to get a commitment from.) And then those thoughts spiral out of control and I think about the time in 3rd grade when I was purposely invited to a sleepover party on the night after the actual party, and all the girls in school had a good laugh about it behind my back for a few weeks. And then I start remembering my dead pets, because, oh yeah, one of my pets died on my birthday 2 years ago. Man, depression is an asshole.

Whoa.  I'm going to stop right there.  This post is getting out of control. It's my birthday (soon) dammit! And no one can ruin it! Not even my own brain! Subject change:

My mom and step-dad sent me a new coffee maker last week for my b-day and it's awesome! I spent all day yesterday cleaning it with vinegar to keep it roach-free for as long as possible in our shit-hole of a kitchen. It's a sweet machine with a single-serving side and a carafe side.  I'm in love, it is the coolest coffee machine I have ever owned.

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So, I probably shouldn't put this next part in here...but I'm gonna, because I can. This is a conversation I had with Boyfriend yesterday:

Boyfriend: (After receiving a text from his friend) Ooo! Holy Ghost Tent Revival (a kick-ass band made up of his friends from college, who are really cool and you should totally check them out) is in town and playing in Brooklyn on Wednesday! We can go to that!

Me: This Wednesday or next Wednesday?

Boyfriend: This Wednesday.

Me: Well...we can't really go on Wednesday because you know what else is happening that day..?

Boyfriend: Oh are we going to see A Girl Wrote it? (A series of short plays written by female playwrights put on by a theatre company started by some of my friends from college, which was amazing last year and you should totally go.)

Me: Nooooo...but something else is happening that day that will prevent us from going to Brooklyn...

Boyfriend: (Staring blankly at his Google calendar, then stares blankly at me) Hmmmm...

Me: Seriously?!

Boyfriend: *sigh* What else is on Wednesday?

Me: Oh, just my birthday.

Boyfriend: What?! No it's not! Your birthday is on Tuesday!

Me: No it's not! It's on Wednesday, the 25th as it is every year. I can't believe you forgot when my birthday was! I always remember your birthday!

Boyfriend: Well, mine is easy to remember!

Me: How is yours any easier to remember than mine?! Our birthdays are exactly 4 weeks apart! Your birthday is on a Wednesday this year too! (I count on the calendar to show him.)

Boyfriend: Huh. *sigh* I'm sorry, honey.  I got confused.

Me: (making a pouty face)

Boyfriend: Welp, now I have to change all the plans I made for Tuesday night. (pretends to type things on his keyboard)

Me: No you don't! You didn't have any plans made! (we're super poor after paying taxes and renewing our apartment lease, I doubt either of us had plans because plans involve money)

Boyfriend: (stares at me in his most convincing "serious face" he can muster) Yeah ok. I'm sorry.  DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS! I'm a better boyfriend than this! (He is)

Me: Oh, I'm tweeting this right now! (I didn't)

Boyfriend: NO!!!

Me: This is so going in my blog. (it is)

So this year was one of what I'm sure will be many more years of forgotten birthdays  quirky relationship bliss with Boyfriend, and I forgive him for his silliness. At least he thought my birthday was the day before and not the day after my actual birthday.  Then he'd really be in trouble.  But, still he better get me a really nice video game or a puppy to make up for this one.  Oh wait, we're poor right now. Crap.

Well then, no coffee for him this week! So there. Boom! Punished.

I feel like this blog post is missing something...



Yup. that was it.