All the Feels are Hurty

I wanted to write an epilogue or a follow-up on my couch saga stories today. It was going to be really funny. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling the funny today. I'm feeling all the feels, and they are hurty feels. An old friend of mine died yesterday and I just can't find the funny today.

Desi was kind of a private person until she got to know and trust you, so I will respect that about her by not revealing too many specific details about her or her passing. She had asthma and I guess she'd been battling pneumonia for the past month and it just took her away from us. 

Desi loved to laugh. She had a smile that would steal all the light in the room. She was full of life and joy and fun and love. Our time together as friends was briefer than I would have liked. We were only friends for about a year before I moved to the east coast, and she stayed in Colorado. Sadly, life and the miles got in the way, as it does when you grow up. We lost touch, but I always held a fondness for her and remembered the fun we had together. I don't know that I ever told her how awesome of a person she was. Now I will never get that chance. That's what hurts the most. The guilt. I should have tried harder to keep in touch. I should have tried harder to see her when I would go home to visit family.

The last time we spent time together was when she took me out for St. Patrick's Day the week before I moved to the East Coast. That was a great night. We had a lot of fun, as we always did. She was a constant in my life when everything felt like it was changing and moving too fast for me to keep up. 

Memories that flooded my brain at 4am when I was trying to sleep:
-She was afraid of bridges.
-The worst argument we ever had was about the correct pronunciation of the word "Ogle."
-I introduced her to Firefly and we were obsessed!
-At a family barbeque, her niece (or cousin, I can't remember the relative) asked me if we were "partners." It was really awkward. But, I now consider it a verification of true friendship when someone mistakens me and a girl friend for lesbians.
-She would crave rare steak after watching horror movies
-She had a special "Desi Dance" and it was hilarious and awesome


Sadly I only possess 2 pictures of us together. The rest I believe were on an SD card that was in my camera that got stolen a few years ago. But I have many memories of karaoke, dancing, drinking, late-night Taco Bell drive-thru, Firefly watching, and laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. God, girl, you were so fucking funny. I miss your laughter.

Rest in peace, Desi. You were fabulous and I hope you knew how loved you were. Sorry this isn't eloquent. It hurts too much.