Gurl on Girl-Gaming: Memory Lane Monday: So...About Last Month...

There was that time that EverythingHappenedAllAtOnce. And then I said things would go back to normal the next week. Well, as usual, they did no such thing. The Universe apparently no longer allows the word "normal" to enter my vocabulary without some form of punishment. The punishment usually entails everything blowing up at once.
And what do I mean by "everything all at once" anyway? Well, I'm so glad you asked that, me; I will tell you.

First, I'd been putting off going to the clinic to get a new prescription for my meds for a couple of weeks. Mostly because...well, I don't really know why. Fear mostly, I guess. My irrationally fearful brain made it very difficult to leave the house to go to a strange new place. But, as my med supply dwindled, I grew more and more agitated and fearful and panicked. Then, on top of all of that, Boyfriend had been complaining that his mouth hurt since Christmas, but we figured it was just dryness/canker sores, which we are both prone to. But, a couple of weeks ago, he looked in his mouth and it looked like a chunk of his jaw bone was sticking out of his gum under his molars. WTF?!?!?! I could tell he was panicking a little bit, but trying not to freak me out. I was exploding with my own panic already, then add my panic that Boyfriend's mouth was going to fall off into that mix and I really felt like I was just going to drop dead at any second from the shear overload of horrible feelings. But I, too, tried really hard to keep my shit together so as to not freak out Boyfriend even more. So, we went to the clinic.

Hint: no one ever looks this happy at the clinic.

The dentist at the clinic had no idea what Boyfriend's mouth was doing. She said she'd never seen anything like it before. Awesome. I had to do my usual I-have-no-health-insurance-please-give-me-my-drugs song-and-dance to another apathetic clinic doc which was successful but made me feel more ill at ease and self-conscious in addition to the already nagging fear that Boyfriend had mouth cancer. Boyfriend got a referral to an oral surgeon that was going to cost $75 but we needed to know what the hell was happening inside his mouth.

Also during this same week, I got some very exciting news that quickly manifested into more anxiety (surprise!) Remember when I freaked out about a certain casting notice? Well, miracle of miracles, they called me in to audition! It was such great news and I needed a "win" really bad, so of course the audition was the same week all this other health stuff was going down too. Because, why not, Universe? Why the fuck not?

On the same day Boyfriend was getting his mouth checked by the surgeon, I had a job interview (yay) for a semi-long-term temp job (yay?) that has really early-ass hours (boo) but I got the job (yay) but now I'm working full-time (yay) for kind of shitty pay (boo) so I'm tired all the time (boo) but that's really no excuse to not write anymore (boo).

Oh, and also, Boyfriend doesn't have mouth cancer, and his face isn't going to fall off. It turns out he had something that's apparently very normal that happens to some people called "bone sloughing." Mostly it occurs after surgery or some sort of tooth extraction. The jaw bone decides to shed some bone fragments and then they work their way out through the gums and it looks horrifying if you don't know what's happening. The surgeon took one look in Boyfriend's mouth told him what it was and used a tool to just pluck the fragment out. He said that if he had waited a couple more days it might have just worked it's way out on its own. Awesome. So Boyfriend shelled out over $100 in total to be told he would've been fine a matter of days. And people say our healthcare system isn't broken.

So, short-story-long, Boyfriend doesn't have cancer, and I still have anxiety.


I need to wear this every day.

So, shorty-story-even-longer, I was MIA on my blog for quite some time because I prepped the shit out of my audition for SourceFed and was seriously consumed by my own crazy brain for a while. I went through some serious self-doubt and had a really dark week, but I'm doing better now.
I'm hesitant to really talk about the audition for fear of jinxing it or something, but I feel like enough time has passed that it's ok to mention it.
I auditioned for SourceFed, you guys! That's not a thing I'd thought I would get to say 2 years ago. It was fun and scary and great to feel like I actually went on a real audition that meant something to me. For a whole week I felt like it wasn't a colossal mistake moving across the country. But, as with every audition (especially the important ones) comes the waiting game. It's hard when you want something really badly and you don't hear anything. Maybe by putting it in writing I am jinxing myself, but I don't care. I want to work at SourceFed, dammit! I like their style of humor, I like the stories they cover, I like the folks on the channel. I'm confident in my writing, research, and my hosting abilities. I'm confident I would get along with the rest of the team at DeFranco.
I don't have an ending to this story because I haven't actually heard back from them. At the audition they told me "you really know your shit" and I think they were impressed with what I had prepared, but beyond that, I don't know anything. There's no news of any major changes on the channel yet, and as of now I haven't seen any new faces, so no news is still good news, right? For now, I will say, yes.
If nothing else, I've had some time to think over the past few weeks about changes i may want to make to my blog or to my own YouTube Channel.