Something a Little Bit Different

I've been really struggling with writer's block for the past week-ish. Well, not so much writer's block, more like writer's lack of motivation to sit down and write something for fear that it won't be as amazing as you picture it to be in your head, thus it feels impossible to find the words to start what you know will be the most amazing thing you ever wrote in your life, but can't because those first words are not there. Or, they're inside your brain, but they've been all jumbled up and thrown around, hidden in the massive smokey cloud that is your depression and anxiety-addled brain. The little elves inside are having trouble finding the words in the depression-fogginess of the archived brain card catalog.

Like this, but with more elves and, you know, chaos

But, all is not lost. I made a huge step last Sunday in dealing with my social anxity and depression. Not only did I willingly leave my apartment on a gross rainy evening, but I walked to a street I didn't know very well in my neighborhood and went to a party where I didn't know a single person. And I did all of this BY MYSELF.  Actually, when I put it like that, it sounds all dangerous and foolish. Lemme esplain:

 An old friend of Boyfriend's -Sara- needed a dog-walker to cover her route in June, so he suggested me because I love dogs. Sara and I talked on the phone and via Facebook and all was set, we just hadn't ever met face-to-face. So, she invited me to a small party she was throwing and I said we'd be there. Well, in true the-Universe-is-gonna-test-Jess fashion, Boyfriend had to work a long gig starting super early the morning of the party, so he was exhausted and ended up not going at all. 

Needless to say, Boyfriend not going put me at a scary fork in the road in my muddled brain. I had made it my goal to do more things that scare me like going out in public alone for things other than work (money is an amazing motivator.) Well, this was one of those epicly scary opportunities. I had a choice. I could choose to stay home and play video games or watch TV until Boyfriend got home from work and probably be very comfortable and happy all while the nagging voice of depression/anxiety in my head would say, "You chicken-shit! Why didn't you go out?!"
Or, I could nut up and walk outside in the rain to an apartment I'd never been to full of people I'd never met and maybe have a good experience. And I did. Of course not before having a massive anxiety attack before walking out the door. It was the worst one I'd had in a while. But I did it.
 

Small Victories

I went to Sara's party called the Vision Board Soiree. She and her roommate are wellness professionals and so everyone gets together at this party once a month and goes through magazines and clips out images or words that they find inspiring. It was fun. The idea of a vision board is a little more hippy-dippy than I usually go for, but I'm trying new things. I met a lot of really nice people and made myself a poster for inspiration that now sits next to my desk, reminding me to take chances and get out there and be inspired because good stuff can happen.

My Vision Board

 It's not complete yet, it's a work in progress. Much like me.

The Vortex of Rule 36 (NSFW)

My friend and fellow Whovian, Jen was having a bad time a couple of weeks ago and one of her friends  bought her a 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver toy to cheer her up. She was so excited that she posted a picture of it on Facebook and the following conversation ensued:

As you can see, I half-jokingly said that I'm sure a sonic screwdriver vibrator existed because of Rule 36. Then out of curiosity, I turned to my old friend, Google to make some hilarious search-engine magic and thus, further brighten Jen's day with ridiculous pics of crazy sonic screwdriver vibrators. But here's the unbelievable part: It. Doesn't. Exist.

I will repeat that. There does not exist a Doctor Who sonic screwdriver vibrator available for retail purchase. Are you kidding me?!?! The world has a sparkling (goddamn sparkling, you guys) icy Twilight dildo but no DOCTOR WHO vibrators?!?!?! WTF internet?!?! You have failed me! I was so flabbergasted by the difficulty of finding such a nerdy obscure sex toy on the internet that I proceeded to lose the next 2 hours of my life to the vortex time suck that is Rule 36.

I was on a mission. I refused to believe that Doctor Who sex toys didn't exist. I needed to know. I needed to find them- not for any personal use- merely on the principle that something with such a massive and cult fandom did not have a plethora of weird kinky shit to go along with it. It's just not normal. I was somewhat correct in my refusal to believe something so nerdy did not have a market for fetishism. I discovered the existence of the "TaRDIS Tickler." Not quite as exciting or pleasing as a vibrating sonic screwdriver, but way more sparkly than that stupid Twi-hard ice dick. (Seriously, if you didn't read the reviews on The Vamp page, you're missing out. Good reads.)

I finally found my answers through the Houston Press and Geek Kink (unfortunately, their Etsy account is no longer active.) There exists a crowd-sourced Sonic Vibrator, but only one Sonic Screwdriver vibrator. The only known Sonic Screwdriver Vibrator I could find in existence was a custom order through Geek Kink. They sell plenty of other items that I'm not shocked exist: TaRDIS BDSM paddles, My Little Pony BDSM paddles (you know, normal Rule 36 stuff) but only one custom 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver vibrator.

Etsy's got weird shit, you guys.

 They said they built the custom vibrator by Jerry-rigging a sonic screwdriver toy with an electric toothbrush motor because it's the same motor that comes in your standard vibrator. (Think about that the next time you brush your teeth.) But Geek Kink can't mass produce them because they built it out of an already existing licensed product. I know DW is technically a family-friendly show, but come on, BBC! Get on that!!! You're sitting on a potential gold mine of Doctor stimulated orgasms!!! People pay good money for stuff like that! 


Wait a tick-

I honestly wonder what the licensing rights to Doctor Who sonic screwdriver sex toys would cost to procure... Oh my god, I'm sitting on a million dollar idea, you guys! Who knows a good patent & licensing attorney?!


And this is why I never get anything done.

I'm working on Stuff

Hi blog-readers.

I've been quite absent lately, I know. Sorry. I am writing and working on some things to share at the same time working through some personal crap. I'm writing 5 different posts right now trying to get them all just the way I want them. The words are all somewhat muddled up inside my brain these days. Thanks for your patience.

The word cloud inside me

 

My Whole Life Needs a NDA

I was working over-time in this huge corporate building for this really sleazy company under a boss I hate. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I royally embarrassed myself explaining that my ethics would no longer allow me to commit to this type of environment. I was fired on the spot in front of everyone in a rather explosive scene. I was told to go downstairs to the lobby to wait for my things to be brought to me. In the lobby, I met Stephen Colbert which was so exciting, I forgot I was just fired.  

Stephen was observing a desert terrarium which contained starving and sun-burned piglet crawling pathetically towards a bowl of milk. Stephen cackled at it and remarked something about nature and science and survival of the fittest. I started to cry. Stephen laughed at me and then kissed me passionately. I was too stunned to file a sexual harassment charge. Then security threw me out. But unbeknownst to them I smuggled out a baby pig from a crate that had just arrived, presumably to be submitted to the same torture as the poor soul in the terrarium.

Trudging home through an unfamiliar neighborhood with my new hungry baby pig, I stumbled upon a chain-smoking, emaciated Mathew Perry who listened to my plight and told me he could get me my job back if I helped him pull off a scheme. I was to pretend I was an actress from Game of Thrones so he could dupe his hot neighbor into baking for him. I assumed he was high but agreed to go along with it. We had to seal the deal like a demon's deal (like ya do.) He blew smoke into my mouth and kissed me until I choked on the smoke. I remarked that Stephen Colbert was a better kisser. This kind of pissed Mathew Perry off, but seemed to make him more determined in his plan.

Somehow we conned our way into his neighbor's apartment and convinced her to not only feed my piggie but to bake us the best cake in the world. I spent the rest of the evening trying to convince them that they had not seen my boobs on Game of Thrones, and despite what the neighbor's daughter had accused me of, I never made fun of her because she didn't need a bra and it was not some plot for world domination on my part.

And the moral of the story is: No more burritos and beer before bedtime.
My sleeping brain is fucked up place, you guys.


OK. That dream is still bthering me. It's been all day and it's still creeping me out! I need a palette cleanser:
 

Iron Man 3: A Surprising Sequel (No Spoilers)

Yesterday, I saw Iron Man 3 with my buddies Vash and Justin. The movie surprised me. Boyfriend and I watched the first two installments the day before to gear up for #3, and I was glad we did. Iron Man 3 starts off with a reference to a conversation in the first movie, and it was a delightful surprise. What I found most surprising about the movie was how much it focused on Tony Stark's character as a fallible and often fragile human being, and less on him as Iron Man. Some fans might not like this aspect of the movie as Tony spends a lot of the film outside of the suit. I quite enjoyed seeing vulnerable Tony Stark, it added more suspense and drama to what could have been a predictable action movie.



Tony is clearly suffering from some PTSD after the events that took place at the end of The Avengers. He has insomnia and suffers from anxiety attacks. To combat this, he tinkers and loses himself in an obsession with the distraction of his suits. The downside I found with this in the story was that I personally found it triggering when Tony had anxiety attacks onscreen. Robert Downey Jr. is an amazing actor and plays the anxiety attacks in a very real way. I'm glad he did this, because it felt real and not like anxiety attacks were something to be downplayed. However, he portrayed them so real-to-life that I started getting paranoid that I was going to have an anxiety attack for the rest of the day (thereby inducing one late last night.)

All in all, I think this was a great installment to the Iron Man series and the Marvel movie franchise. I don't want to go too much more into detail about the movie so as not to spoil anything. I recommend seeing this if you liked the first two.  

Iron Man 3 gets 4 out of 5 Iron Man Mr. Potato Heads.