Sleepy Knees

A Conversation between me and Boyfriend at bedtime:

Me: (After tossing and turning, and kicking for several minutes) Ugh!!!  I'm so hot!  It's March, why am I so hot already?!

Boyfriend: Well, it was 84 today and you're wearing pants.

Me: I know, but I'm hot, I can't sleep.

Boyfriend: Well, take off your pants, then, crazy lady.  (I can hear his eyes rolling at me)

Me:  I don't want to.

Boyfriend: Why?  You'll be more comfortable.

Me: No I won't, I don't want me knees to touch.  I can't sleep with my knees touching.

Boyfriend: You're knees?

Me: My knees.  I can't sleep on my side if they're touching.

Boyfriend: Well, just put the covers between them

Me: No, because then my butt gets cold

Boyfriend:  So get some knee-pads or something.

Me: No, they're too bulky and will bunch up and make my knees sweaty.  I hate sweaty knees.

Boyfriend: Well, it sounds like you need to design some sort of special knee.......socks to help you and people with your affliction. (He is barely containing his laughter/snark at this point)

Me: You laugh at me, but I have thought extensively about that very idea.  Here's my plan:  I want to write to the memory foam mattress people, you know how you can request a free sample of memory foam before you buy a whole mattress?  Well, I get a piece of foam and make a prototype with some sort of skin-friendly straps on it.  And strap it to one leg so it sits nicely in between my knees when I sleep.

Boyfriend:  You know we do have access to an entire foam plant, you could just ask for some. (Boyfriend's dad is a chemist working in the mattress foam industry.)

Me:  I don't need that much foam just for my knee.

Boyfriend: Oh no, I'm thinking mass production and marketing at this point.  There must be other people out there that...hate having their knees touch...you could design them and sell them on QVC.  You could call them SLEEPY KNEES!  

Me: Oh my god shut up.

Boyfriend: And then you could have a line of elbow pads called El-Doze.  We're gonna be rich.

Me: Shut up now I'm even hotter from laughing.


I eventually gave in and slept with no pants and the comforter wrapped around one leg so that my knees never touched.